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Re: Disappointed Daughter

Your personality sounds like mine. I always have to have control over the situation, always have to be the one to swoop in and take care of everything and everyone if theres a problem, always am the one that is looked to to be the "rock". I too feel the need to have everything planned and hate changes.

What I've come to realize is how much pressure I was unfairly putting on myself. As much as I/you want to always have the right answer..always be able to make everything alright, fact of the matter is that we cant. What your daughter is seeing is you being human. That means making mistakes, not always knowing what to do, ect. Strong independent women dont always have all the answers no matter how we try to convince ourselves otherwise.

Personally, and this is just my opinion, but I would rather have my child see me as someone who messes up occassionally rather than have him think that people always need to be perfect. I think that although it doesnt seem like it right now, what your daughter is seeing in you is a valuable lesson for her. I mean...do you want her always pressuring herself to be perfect...to make sure she always makes the right choices, and beating herself up (like you are now) when things get tough?

You are not a weakling with no backbone! You are strong and independent...and you are doing the very best you can. Thats all any of us can do.

Re: Disappointed Daughter

Wow...Susan..I feel your pain.

I don't know much about your situation but I think your daughter is 17 years old?...It may not be that she is "scared" of you...but simply that her father and the other woman could be offerring alot of stuff (gifts, extra late hours...etc)...teenagers at that time will go choose and sometimes they choose poorly.

...this situation is exactly what I tried to tell other ladies here. Some of them are still protecting their ex...not being honest to their kids about the stuff ex pulls...they said something about fooling around with women is something between adults...and kids shouldn't know. Then later, their kids will go to Dad (and worse..the OW)...not knowing all the stuff.

..it's just too bad.

All you can do now is stay strong...yes, I still think you are strong and it isn't an image despite what your counsellor is saying.

It's a real disappoitment but if it doesn't work out over there, your daughter will contact you again...just keep the relationship open...very hard on Mom.

Your ex and the other woman will lavish her with stuff...just to twist the knife some more...so be aware of it and talk to your counsellor too.