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Where will the strength come from

I can not put off forever getting into our marriage problems with my husband. Things are deceptively wonderful right now with us. I love being loved! That doesn't change the fact that I have filed for a divorce and need to work the problems out with him before I withdraw my court action. I am so torn because everytime we are faced with something regarding the divorce he becomes angry again and says he has had it and doesn't love me anymore. I just want things to be fair and have a voice in our lives. He is a very controlling person and is still so angry about the money I have which I haven't given back. I need to fix this or we will be right back here in a few years again. I really think he does love me as I love him but he is so warped in his thinking about what a marriage partner is supposed to be. I used to call him my husband my dad. I need to dig deep and have the nerve to discuss this as the clock is ticking fast on my divorce. I do not want to divorce him but I just can't stop it if I don't feel right about it. Please pray for me and ask God to show me the right way to do this. As always I value your wisdom and help.

Re: Where will the strength come from


For you I pray that God will give you the strength and wisdom to make the right decisions, and that those deicsions will save your marriage.

Could you write one marriage issue and resolution in a simple form? Such as:

Problem: I want more say about the money
Solution: I get my own bank account and some money gets put in there each month.

Maybe make it something he can just say yes or no, without having a disucssion. If you can agree on one thing to start and he sees that it isn't so terrible, maybe he will be willing to work on others that are more complex. Good luck. Keep us posted.


Re: Where will the strength come from

You are in my prayers Kathleen.


Re: Where will the strength come from

Kathleen, I will also be praying for you to be able to work things out. I so hope you can make it happen!

Re: Where will the strength come from

I'll think positive thoughts for you Kathleen. Youre so right that although seems are great on the surface, much lies underneath that needs to be resolved if its going to work. If not, than its better to end it now rather that start all over again down the line.

Best of luck speaking to him. I hope it works out the way you want it to.

Re: Where will the strength come from

Thank you all so much for the kinds thoughts and ideas about how to handle this. Time will tell. You all are such a wonderful support system and a wealth of wisdom. For this I am very greatful.

Re: Where will the strength come from

If you stop the divorce, nothing will have changed. Is he willing to get therapy and you also?

What are the specfic problems? Does he think he has issues/problems? Is he willing to try to change?

I stayed for 31 years.....The Verbally Abusive Relationship saved my life and sanity.

Re: Where will the strength come from

Kathleen, you can tell your lawyer that you want to put the divorce on hold for a while. You won't be the first person who has done this. Don't close the door on the possibility of divorce, just hold off for now.

I'm trying to recall what had happened when you first came on this forum. IIRC, it had to do with him hiding money. Is this correct?

Re: Where will the strength come from

Hi yes he hide over 100,000 from me and had me living just above povery level with 1,000,000 in the bank. Go figure. I am not named on any of the accounts and had no idea there was this much money until he had to provide the information to my lawyer.