Jerk never ate a meal with us, either. My kids miss their father so much. Crazy...he didn't have/make time for them when he was here. But when my kids are happy and at peace, well that's HUGE. And they were so happy to see him last night. He generally doesn't make mid-week visits and my kids really struggle when there gets to be 2 weeks between seeing him. It just bought my kids a little more time with him. I never thought I'd do that, either.
Becky, I think I am at the same place you are. If ex came over, I'd probably react the same as you did. I have absolutely no desire to ever again be his wife. I don't hate him. The anger still pops up sometimes, but over all, I just simply do not care any more. We still talk on the phone once in a while, but I've moved 135 miles away and, therefore, I'm no longer convenient for him to come and visit. And even at 1 mile apart, I wouldn't consider it convenient for me to visit him. I wish him well, but he's such a psychological mess that I don't seriously believe anything in his life will ever be "well".
Reading this thread gives me hope for myself and other women to be able to some day get over the drama of the divorce and get back to the more important things in life. I'm really glad I read this :)
Your message left me very hopeful. I'm curious as to how long it has been, Becky. I had to see my STBX today at a cemetary (crazy!) to divide our grave plots. The employee left us alone in a little room for "just a moment", which turned into 35 min!!! UGH! In the next 4 weeks I will have to see him 6 more times for all the various activities of our daughter graduating from high school!! That will be a true test!! I need to work really hard on getting over the feeling that if I'm nice and civil then he will think that his leaving after 23 years worked out for the best anyways!! I still want to hurt him!! Give me strength!
Jerk left on the Saturday before Easter last year, so he's been gone just over a year. Our 15th anniversary was yesterday. The papers should have been in the judge's hands. I'm wondering what the chances are they were signed on our anniversary??? At first he wanted to make small talk and be all friendly. I would have no part of it. Answered only the questions I had to in order to deal with the kids or the divorce itself. Was short and cold. But I also didn't give him the satisfaction of EVER seeing me get angry. He so feeds off that. He backed off when he wasn't getting any satisfaction from it. That helped a lot. The good thing about graduation is that there will be so many others around. Really no need to talk to him, right? YOU CAN DO THIS!