Thank you. I am incredibly worried and never thought I would be here. I gave up 17 years as a stay at home mom and stood by him through his functioning alcoholism while always protecting our kids from the truth. Telling my poor boys will be the hardest thing I believe I will ever do. I look forward to hearing everyones thoughts and experiences. It is really too bad there are not more local divorce groups. I live in Michigan and I found one at a church, but that was all. Again, thank you and I wish you the best.
Becky has given you some good advice. My boys were much younger when this all began, but Becky is right. I would also add to her advice by saying you may also want outside support for your boys because you and your husband are right in this situation with them so they may need support from the outside as well. You can do this by informing their school counselors so that if something comes up or the boys want to talk they have someone at school that knows what is going on. It also helped my boys to have family counseling. It is good if they share things alone with a counselor and then you all sit down as a family with a counselor and talk together as well. You may or may not see issues with your children after you tell them, but from what I have experienced it was good for my kids to have more support from the outside as well...relatives can be to close at times. Most churches also provide support for families and children as well. Just try to make them feel as safe and stable as you can by surrounding them with guidance and love.
What you wrote to Susan was so lovely and heart warming, I just wanted to comment.
I've written a book, Sanctuary of the Soul (poems of anguish, healing, hope, comfort and celebration): www.soulpoetry.org
Have also written my memoir: Ghost Child to Triumph (from a child with no voice, to someone who speaks up against injustice)....not published yet. I am humbled and amazed at my endorsements: Elie Wiesel, Wayne Dyer, Nikki Giovanni, Drs. Alice Miller, Larry Dossey, etc., etc.....
Divorced after 31 years of abuse and then abused by a church (spiritual abuse is a wound which can never heal): www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com
I won a scholarship because of what I wrote about my life and am in school at ge 64! I believe we are here to make a difference.
You are an inspiration to us all Alice. It is nice to hear positive things about our lives on this forum as well. I hope you continue to write, because I know there are so many people out there who are going through what we are and other heartaches as well. That is one thing about women I have discovered in life. We can come together and support each other in so many different ways. I think our emotions help us all bond in ways men will never understand.
Hugs to you, (((Susan))): You are a dear! Yes, no men can ever understand the bond between women....even if we are just words on a screen, we so get it!!