If it helps, I think you are a good Mom. You may be fighting two battles...one in the divorce and the other one over your ex. A part of you may still be holding onto hope that things will go back to normal and when he called you names, ..well..that hurts.
Custody arrangements such as him picking up your son and going to his family should be his responsibility. If he forgets, then that's fine....just let him do it on his own.
If you can come to an agreement, it is easier on the pocket book...but if not, then the lawyers will deal with it...one way or another, it will be resolved.