Bridget,
You will...if you are open to it.Some women are not. They want to stay in the yuck. Trust me I know of which I speak. But forgiveness is so freeing. It actually allowed me to be friends with my ex. Of course, he is no longer in denial about his addiction and has actively engaged in being freed from it. With God's help and lots of therapy he is doing much better. The heart breaking thing to me now is that he is in a new relationship and it hurts to know that his addiction ruined our marriage but now this new lady is going to get the best of him. On most days I am ok with it but sometimes it really hurts. Forgiveness is a process. Dont think that once you forgive it is all over and you will never hurt again. That is not the case. You chose to forgive, its just like love. It is a choice. Then it is a daily act to ask God to give you the strength to walk in that forgiveness. Not every day will be perfect, some days you will still not want to get out of bed, but that is when you lean on God. Say to yourself "I have forgiven him and that is that." I am reading a book by Joyce Meyer. It is called "Battlefield of the mind." I would highly recommend it. It gives tools to overcome all those assults on our minds. Thats what they are. Assults. Once you forgive the rest is just the enemy trying to convince us that this situation is unforgivable. It is not. Nothing is unforgivable if you really desire to forgive. I believe that everything happens for a reason, even pain. Remember Jeremiah 29:11. "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "Plans to bless you and not to harm you, plans to give you a furture and a hope." You never know, you may meet a man that is a greater blessing to you then you could have ever dreamed or imagined. Your sons support you and love you and your grandkids are a blessing. Enjoy the good things in you life and keep your eyes on the Lord.

Dina your message was so comforting. I do want to forgive him and I am trying. I, like you hate the idea that he has learned by his mistakes during our marriage and now the woman he cheated with is getting a better partner than he ever was to me. That is the hardest part to deal with. I do still love him and I don't understand how I can. I know I am better off without him in my life but I miss him. One day I just want to strangle him and the next day I wish he would knock on my door.
I do pray to God everyday to help me find my way through this mess. I would like to be friends with my ex but I think it would be so very painful to ever see him with anyone else and to hear how happy he is now.
I know if I truly forgive him I have to get past all those feelings. It is just so hard to be in this place. I live on a small hobby farm that I wanted my whole life. I thought I had a great marriage and I do have wonderful kids and grandkids. My life was everything I wanted it to be, then this. It is just very hard to now have to give so much up and also forgive him.
I have to sell all my animals. I have had one horse for 14 years and the rest of the horses, dogs and goats for over 6 years. He just walked away and I have to deal with all of the mess and pain. When I think about that it makes it very hard to forgive him.
I am working on it.
Bridget

I totally understand and I am so sorry you have to go through this. It is hard to love someone that is not able to return that love. Notice I did not say "Does not love us back"? That is because he does love you. You cannot be with someone that long and not love them unless there is abuse. He hasnt stopped loving you, he just doesnt know how to show it anymore. He has let his sexual addiction take over and his heart has stopped functioning. It is not that unusual. Men that have sexual addictions shut down after a while because once the addiction takes over then the heart ceases to be in control. His mind is completely consumed with his addiction and he has given over to it. Letting him go is the right thing to do but that doesnt mean that it feels good. It is what it is and unfortunately the innocent suffer but when it all is said and done, he will be the one suffering. When the other woman takes off and he is alone he will turn to you and his sons and all will be gone. God can restore and heal, of this I have no doubt, and if that is what God's plan is then so be it but dont feel you need to wait. This is his choice. Let him live it because ultimatly he will pay the highest price. Dont let his current circumstances fool you. He is tormented inside. My husband lived everyday as if he were dying inside. I love him still but I cannot undo what has been done. Hang in there my friend. There are better days ahead.