thank you Jo for your response. It helps to see that I am not alone in this. We were married 34 years and now divorced 6 months. I never wanted the divorce and still don't. I know it would not be right or even good for me to be back with him but I just can't stop missing him and the us part. If I was in a place where I could meet people and not have to deal with selling everything I love so much maybe things wouldn't be so bad. I have horses and goats that I have to sell. I have had one of the horses for almost 15 years and I love her dearly. It kills me that I have to give up and get rid of almost everything because hewas not man enough to do the right thing. but even with that said, I still miss him. I talked to him on the phone tonight and I asked him if he will ever see me again, his answer was just this "I don't know, I have to go now bye". so what did I do, sat at the table and cried, alone. I just wish it was a year from now and all of this was over with.
I hope you are able to get past this part soon and be happy. Thank you all for this forum and for all the thoughts.