Yes! I think it's pretty common to feel a bunch of feelings when you get that paper in the mail...sadness, remorse, guilt, relief, fear, hope...I felt all of those things. I called a friend right away and cried.

Even if you initiated it and know it's the only choice you could make, the best choice for you, it's still an end, an end to something you cared about and invested a large part of your life in.

You are not alone...

Thank you! My co-worker caught me outside yesterday in deep thought. I couldn't explain or understand why I felt this way. Even my boyfriend noticed. Wow! I didn't think a divorce would be such a roller coaster ride of feelings!!!

This too shall past.

I was a mess for a few weeks after the papers came. I'm kinda getting it together now. It didn't help he got a girlfriend within about a week of them arriving. But more importantly, I think after the divorce is final, if you have been the one "doing the work" in the relationship, and then to end the relationship, there is nothing left to do, but grieve, so it hits like a tidal wave. And, I don't know about you, but I feel all kinds of guilt and second guessing for bringing it to fruition. Though somewhere at my core I know it was the only decision I could make. My counselor said to me last night, "the guilt, try to let go of it; it's not a very nice thing to do to yourself after all you have been through."

I received mine last week...I think. My attorney had e-mailed me to let me know it was finalized and in the mail. I haven't brought myself to open it yet.

Maybe I wasn't ready to open mine either. I know I'm not ready to see him any time soon. He is VERY bitter!

Of course! I got a divorce after 31 years of abuse; excruciating decision....even after 7 years.....I carry some of that grief.

There are no "shoulds' or shouldnt's when dealing with our feelings; they aren't right or wrong, but just are and should be honored recognized, etc.

You "should" simply be feeling whatever feelings you feel, and for ever how long you feel them.

Hugs, Alicia

Talk, write, maybe get into therapy for awhile, grieve, be angry, etc.....call friends......do things that you like and are healing. Be gentle with yourself....there are no time frames for feelings, or any emotional journeys.

Hi itsmylife,

It's normal and natural that you don't feel like to celebrate, but instead you feel kind of a lingering sadness. Just give yourself time to absorb all of this, you are still in transition, don't try to suppress any feeling that comes to you because you think you should not feel that. Just be present to whatever you feel or don't, and take one day at a time until you are ready to put all of this behind. Have a great life.

"To Our Inner Peace"
Mai Bordelon :)
The Coach for Divorced Women
http://thecoachfordivorcedwomen.com
FREE Special Report "Fabulous Life After Divorce”
http://lifecoachingcorner.com
Blog Website
maibordelon@yahoo.com
520-481-1201

Ladies I know how you feel. I initiated my divorce and curiously it was over money, and control as well. I am in the process of probably reconciling my marriage of 37 years. Every time I had to see, call or get correspondence from the attorney it made me feel paralyzed and sick to my stomach. It isn't the fact that it is a legal matter as my daughter and son-in-law are both attorneys and I have been exposed to the law and court for many years now. It is the emotional conflict that I experience. I still love my husband and he loves me. We have allowed our marriage to deteriorate almost beyond repair. I literaturely did not talk to him for months at a time do to my anger about his strangle hold on all our monies and assets which I had little or no access to. I am not afraid financially because the discovery process turned up $1,000,000 in cash and investments in the bank and my home and a commercial building are all paid for. I would be OK financially but not emotionally. I pray this works out for my husband and I. This is the closest we've been in 25 years to each other. How strange is that? I need certain assurances to withdraw the divorce. We haven't hammered out the details yet. I pray that you all can come to peace with the end of your marriages. I hope I will also if I have to end mine. You are always in my thoughts and prayers.

Wow! Thanks everyone!!!!!
You have made me feel a lot better. I know this will take awhile to get through. I really appreciate the responses. I know I'm on the right road...one day at a time.

Love and kisses to all.

Yup..same thing happened to me. I asked for the divorce but I walked out of the courthouse feeling lost, alone, and just plain down. I was happy that it was over but I was expecting to be jumping up and down or something...anything but what I felt.

It's still a loss...no matter if we initiated it or not. Divorce is a sad thing. I think that maybe the people who celebrate really werent in love and didnt care in the first place.

It was a little different in our case in that our attorneys told us to go to the clerk's office immediately after the divorce to get the papers. There was no waiting for it to come in the mail. I think that was probably easier - to take all the trauma in one shot instead of having to wait for the mail man.

I walked out of the courthouse in a daze. I'm still in something of a daze, but coming out of it slowly after 4 months.

I know exactly how you feel. It just makes it so real and up until the point where you had to see the final papers after it was over it still didn't seem so real. I have been divorced for almost 8 months and I still don't want it to be real. I still can't think about it and I have never read the final papers again once they were signed and it was over.
I talked to him on the phone tonight and I still miss him so much. I know he lived with the last woman he cheated with and I know he cheated at least 2 other times. Even with that said I have loved this man for 34 years and trusted him with my life and I just can't seem to turn the love off or the missing him off or especially the missing us part off. Everyone said it will get better in time but it seems like it is getting worse for me. I didn't miss him as much a few months ago but now I just can't stop thinking about him and crying about it. What a mess this is.
So anyway, I know what it is like to be in that daze and realize you life is now changed forever. It sucks sometimes even thought it was something you might have wanted. I did not and still do not want my divorce.
I hope things get better for you.
Take care