I just don't know how much longer I am going to be able to do this. How do you tell you wife of 20 years that you are leaving and moving across the country as soon as possible and then not leave. Seriously? Are you staying to try to work things out? Oh nooooo. Are you staying because of the kids? Don't be absurd! Second thoughts? Nope.

It's Money.

Are you fricking kidding me?? How the hell do you expect someone to react when you tell them you are leaving them and dont want anything to do with them, and then not leave .. and by the way, you tell me ...dont tell anyone because you "dont want people thinking you're an a$$". YOU ARE AN A$$! Who does that? 2 months. Two months I have walked around here, acting happy-go-lucky for the sake of the kids ... acting happy-go-lucky so no one knows. For two months, I just took it all ... pretended nothing was ever said .. even was intimate with you at your beck and call .... 2 months.
So yes, Im PMSing, and YES, yesterday I threw a fit about something stupid. Did you really need to make all those stupid comments that I'm dumb and this is exactly why we need to be apart ... blah blah blah. Oh MY GOSH! You jerk! If you cant stand me, you cant stay in this marriage, you cant handle this family, you hate this house, you hate this state, you have to get out of here ... THEN ACTUALLY LEAVE!!!! You know I have no money, no career, no job other than running this family .... and you are taking advantage of that by treating me like a piece of trash who doesn't matter. Clearly, my internal organs have been shutting down over the years JUST TO SPITE YOU. You are such a selfish dic% and at this very moment, I hope you get to learn what karma is all about!!
-me

I hope you sent/gave that letter to him. You are being used and he obviously intends to keep it up as long as you will take it.
My ex moved back with me to waite for the final divorce papers and like yours acted like everything was just fine and what was the big deal. Why did it matter to me that he sat upstairs every night with her on the phone telling her how much he loved her and missed her and Oh Yeah he was in the local hotel and had very little to do with me, except when he got off the phone he would crawl in my bed and I let him. How stupid was I? I let him have sex with me after he had just told the tramp he cheated with that he loved her so much.
Now he calls me during the week to talk about work, his work, because I am the only one that understands what it is he does and knows the people he is talking about. So he talks to me as long as I don't get emotional or ask the wrong question, if I do then he has to go so hangs up. But on the weekends he is with her so I am not allowed to have any communications wit him at all.
I know your circomstances are different having him right there all the time, but why do we let these jerks do this to us? I have been divorced for 8 months and I am still letting him treat me this way and I take it. I just don't understand.
Right now my oldest son and family are vacationing with his family and it breaks my heart. After being in that family for 34 years they have all turned their back on me and I wasn't the one cheating. At first they all said they were so mad at him and upset but as soon as he went to see them that was the end of me.
I hope you can get out of your situation and come out of it just fine. You know in your heart that you are a good woman and a great mother and he is the jerk.
Take care and vent all you want. As you see....I did.

ok...you are venting.

Just take your adult or soon to be adult children aside and speak to them privately. Why are you still listening to the guy?

You're been submissive for a long time...or deferring to your husband...but in divorce, that changes. He no longer dictates...and guess what?...you don't have to listen to his stuff anymore either.

My lawyer told me that one...

I totally agree with Dee. It is hard to comprehend at first because we are so used to being married to them and set in our ways of catering to all their wishes or issues, but if they brought another woman into the divorce then I say...." Go tell it to HER now."

Oh, you don't feel good and had a bad day?....

"Tell it to her"

You don't like that I am not agreeing to YOUR terms in this divorce.

"Tell it to her"

News about one of your relatives?

"Tell it to her"

What, you don't like something I did, Oh well

"Tell it to her"

YOU KNOW THE OLD SAYING...TELL IT TO SOMEONE WHO CARES

Susan

Jerk (my nickname for my ex) used to blow me off when I was PMSing. I'd tell him he pi$$ed me off that much all of the time, but when I was PMSing I didn't have the self control to keep it to myself. He didn't believe me, but it was the truth.

Many parts of that letter could have been written by me to...you've got it...Jerk! He'd tell me he was leaving then turn around and act like everything was normal. The last time he told me he was leaving I finally gave him permission. He needed me to do this so he didn't feel so guilty. Because of course it is all about him and what works best for him. At this point I pushed the issue. "You want to leave? Let's go tell the kids...No...we need to do it right away. I'm not going to live this way." Then it was "Now the kids know so you need to leave...No, tonight. You aren't going to lead them on...no false hope." He just didn't have the b*//s to do it. But I did. Be strong. You can do this. Keep us posted.

Dear ladies, It must be like giving up your right arm to finally let go completely. Like your arm you needed these men. They were major players in the family. It is so hard to completely cut the ties. We are lonely and even though we are getting the scrapes they toss us it is something. People can recover from the loss of a right arm. They learn to do things differently. They get a prosthesis (another relationship, which can even be a new relationship with themselves)to aid their recovery. It is the age old story of letting go completely and not looking back. Most of these men you wouldn't even have as friends. Would you keep a friend who abused you in this fashion? I know it is a whole different story with kids involved. It is possible to be civil but not engaging. It is possible to co-parent (making it always about the kids, no personal stuff) to talk about. It is possible to be blunt without attacking. It is hard and takes alot of self control but you can have the last laugh if you don't feed their ego's anymore than you already have. 99% of them are in fact gone forever. We need to stop allowing them to take even more from us. It hurts, it's hard, so hard but it can be done. We do understand and feel your pain. You are all being reborn and the birthing process isn't easy for the new born baby. It dramatically changes the environment in which they exist. It makes them vulnerable and totally dependent. Somehow they survive and thrive and grow in the new and sometimes hostile environment. There are those who love, protect, and care for them and in most cases life is good. This is how we are at this time, like the new born babies. But we can survive and thrive and grow as well. Keep posting and leaning on each other for support. We can all get through this! I have faith.

Dear Kiki, It is way past time for you to seek legal counsel. I don't know what state you live in but your husband will most likely have to pay you spousal support and for sure child support. It is not fair to leave the kids in the dark on what is going on as well. I strongly recommend a therapist for both yourself and the children. They can tell you what to tell the children. Their worlds are about to be rocked here and the easier you can let them down the better. This man is very evil in my book. He is really playing you because you are infact a good mother and want to protect your children. What kind of a sick man is this. As hard as it is you will have to tell him no more! He sounds like he is destroying you bit by bit. Protect yourself and your children today financially. He has both feet out the door and you know that in your heart. It will only get worse. Call his bluff. Who knows maybe it will scare him into trying to repair the marriage. I feel so sorry for your situation really I do. You have to act now. So many of the women on this site delayed to try and fix the marriage and it only hurt them and the children in the end. It gives you power over your situation to get the facts on what you are entitled to. DO NOT LISTEN TO YOUR HUSBAND!!!!!!He is not looking out for anyone but himself. Just because he says it doesn't make it true! If there is a way to salvage the marriage it can still be done even if you find out your rights and what is going to happen in the courts. Please know we are here for your support. Please act today.