So Jerk "postponed" his camping/fishing trip with the kids since the youngest had been in the hospital. With a little creativity and flexibility the kids could have enjoyed a few days with him. But it would have had to have been working around the needs of the kids, not doing just what Jerk wanted

The poor little guy crawled up on my lap yesterday and was sobbing that it was all his fault they didn't get to go fishing and he missed his daddy and could he please please please go see his daddy. So I comforted him and told him it was NOT his fault. I also told him that I was not the one that had changed the plans for the weekend, but if he'd like to call his dad that would be just fine with me. I refuse for my kids to think that I won't let them see their father when HE is the one changing their plans and being so selfish. I don't say bad things about him, but I won't take the fall for him either. He didn't call his dad...I think in his heart he knew...that, yes, JERK HAD GONE FISHING!

He called the oldest last night to check on the kids because we had had storms come through our general area. The oldest asked where he was, because if he were home he would have known the storms went around us. He told him he had to go fishing because the cabin was non-refundable. My kids were so clingy last night. My youngest threw his arms around me and said, "Thanks for everything you do for me, Mommy."

I cannot understand why you would do that to your kids. I don't understand how you can put your own selfish WANTS above everyone else's NEEDS all of the time. I don't understand why you wouldn't spend every possible minute with your wonderful children. I don't understand how fishing, or anything else, can be more important than your children. I don't understand a lot of things Jerk does. But you know what? I am really glad that I don't understand. I wouldn't want to be that kind of a person, and I think in order to understand it, I couldn't be me, and I'm really growing to like who I am when Jerk is not around.

Imagine if you, or the other wonderful mothers in here fighting for their kids, were like your Jerk. What in the world would happen to the children? My children are grown, but I know I would feel like I wanted to run away, I want to go on vacation, go fishing, get away from it all, but I wouldn't because I would know my famiy would suffer and I could not do that as a loving mother.

I am sorry your children are having such a difficult time but it sounds like you are doing all the right things.

Becky,
You summed up everything so well in your last paragraph. You don't need to always have the answer to why your ex does what he does. You just need to believe in yourself and who you are. I totally agree with you that these men are selfish...they not only walk out on a family for another woman and the children are forced to deal with a divorce as well, but then during it all they continue to put their own needs and wants before the children and if the children do not fit into their plan, then to them it's..."Oh well, I need to be happy....etc" That is why they walk out for these women in the first place along with everything else they do that we just don't want to even comprehend their motives for. Keep telling your children you love them and be there for them now, when it is so important as they go through this divorce. You are on your way to moving on.

Susan

I am so sorry your babies are sad. I cried just reading your entry. Hug those kids and love them. At the end Jerk will be the one to loser. Your kids see everything you do for them and will remember the times you have hugged and kiss them when Jerk has made them feel bad. Hang in there you are doing a great job. You are an inspiration to all mothers out there. Take care.

Dear Becky, It is very clear to me the kids know what is going on. You are their rock. I believe if I remember correctly the kids are seeing a therapist. If not they need to. Sometimes these guys have to be called on the carpet and then they improve. It is all to painfully apparent that they put themselves first and foremost or you wouldn't be divorced in the first place. I am so proud of you and the strength and example you set for all of us. You are truely a wonderful, caring, sacrificing mom and the kids see that. Try and take some time for you though. It is hard to hold up both ends.