Hi there...Anger is a tricky thing. On the one hand, you are totally entitled to it and probably need to feel it and let it have a lot of airtime. I think a lot of women tend to suppress anger to be the healers and fixers of the world and of their relationships. They tend to be nice caretakers. Society encourages us to be that way, and it encourages men to rage whenever they want and take whatever they need from the caretakers. It's been that way for a long time. So feel your anger and let it out for sure!
However, anger and resentment can keep you trapped in the past, in the hurt, in the relationship and dynamic that made you angry in the first place. Anger can prevent you from getting in touch with the important parts of you that make you amazing and keep you from creating the beautiful life (and eventually beautiful relationship) that you DESERVE and that you worked so hard to be able to get to by divorcing your ex. It's your life now -- do you want to spend the time you have left on feeling ****** at him, or on loving you?
I know it's hard...I was just responding to another person here about being trapped in the anger/resentment -- guilt/sadness/missing/loving cycle. It's pretty normal I think. And I'm still there much of the time myself. But the goal is to try to move forward a little bit at a time in order to leave that cycle behind.
The best thing that I have found to doing that, is to focus squarely and only on me - on the things that I love to do in life...no matter what they are - picking flowers for the kitchen counter, talking on the phone with a girlfriend and actually asking about and listening to her life and her struggles, rather than processing my story of tragedy one more time, playing guitar, or even volunteering to help someone who needs help. I find when I do that, the anger--sadness cycle fades into the background. Instead of blasting like a heavy metal band, it just hums in the background and does not control my life. And I find I get just a teeny bit stronger so the next time it surfaces, I can get out of it sooner.
AND, when I want to vent my anger, or question how I can possibly still love and miss someone who treated me so badly, or complain about how come he gets to have this great new romantic relationship and new family one month after the divorce after being such a jerk to me...I come to this chat and say whatever I am feeling because I know you all have felt it too and understand.