JustMe,

It would have been a waste of my time to express my anger to my ex because he just would have stood there giving me a cold, oh well, kind of a look and what I would have needed was a look of compassion and understanding. So my solution was to wait until my boys were at school or over his house and then I would just picture my ex standing in front of me and then I would just let it all out, everything I felt, everything I ever wanted to tell him of what I thought of him and everything that was just to heavy to keep to myself...when I was finished getting it all out I would ask God to just take all this pain and hurt away now. As time went on I let go of more and more. Like I had said before, once in a great while something may hit me, but I am no longer raw and dwelling on things that belong to my ex. Anger no longer justifies me or my pain. My justice is with God and that is a big burden to have lifted off of my shoulders. I am not just throwing all the pain and hurt I felt away, I am giving it to God who justifies all things in his time.

Susan

Hey, sweetie: I understand.....31 year abusive marriage; divorced 7 years and I am still angry...I always will be, but it doesn't control my life or prevent me from living.

But I will always feel angry about someone who refused to see their abuse destroyed everything of value.

I couldnt agree more Susan. Holding on to all the anger and hurt only drags us down. What happened to all of us to destroy our marriages is bad enough, but what is worse it to let it impact the rest of our lives.

Do we really want to live our lives being angry all the time..or do we want to find a way to let it do and be happy again? Being angry takes alot of time and energy...more than we sometimes realize. It can also take a toll on ones health as well. Its just not worth it.

If I knew how to let the anger go........I would! I guess it takes time, and I realize that the forgiveness frees.....me!

However, after 36 years of abuse, divorce and a whole church voting me out of membership, with my name up on a big screen; there is a lot to process.

part of that process: Sanctuary of the Soul....my book: www.soulpoetry.org
www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com (almost 19,000hits) from others spiritually abused.

I have always been able to make something positive come from the ashes of my life.

You ladies never fail to amaze me. So many thoughtful and intelligent viewpoints for me to think about. This entire divorce experence has opened up a whole world to me. A world of pain to be sure but also a world of growth. I have struggled so much with my reaction to my situation. I have not been able to muster more than the tiniest, fleeting bits of anger. Instead, I am caught in sadness and regret. I have wondered if anger would be healthier. But, for me, I just need to honor all that my husband and I once were to each, other, all that we created together, all that we somehow allowed ourselves to lose, and all that we have rediscovered during the last nine months of pain. For me anger would undermine the honor I desperately need to feel. Many of you know that I have struggled in the effort to save my marriage. The past nine months have been horrible beyond belief but also, in a way that is hard to understand, they have been months, I would never trade. Although I think it came to late to save my marriage as my husband loves another, these months have also brought my husband and I closer together. We have communicated and bonded and learned more about each other than ever before. The hope in me has grown ever smaller as time goes by, it is not yet completely gone but I now know that I am very unlikely to win. I wonder if the anger will come when the last shred of hope is gone. I hope not but it may be inevitable. I do not want to take forever healing. My therapist tells me that it is possible to heal without anger but that it will take longer. All I know for sure is that I am on a journey that I cannot control. I do not know what the future will bring. I hope to end up truly happy again one day. I hope you alll do to. Sorry for rambling. I do get carried away when I'm writing.

GOD Love you Alone. I know every ounce of what you are feeling. Its been two years of pain for me & I pray it doesnt last two more. I too hope their are loyal, good men out there. I have such trust issues that although I should at this point be dating, the thought sickens me.