You ladies never fail to amaze me. So many thoughtful and intelligent viewpoints for me to think about. This entire divorce experence has opened up a whole world to me. A world of pain to be sure but also a world of growth. I have struggled so much with my reaction to my situation. I have not been able to muster more than the tiniest, fleeting bits of anger. Instead, I am caught in sadness and regret. I have wondered if anger would be healthier. But, for me, I just need to honor all that my husband and I once were to each, other, all that we created together, all that we somehow allowed ourselves to lose, and all that we have rediscovered during the last nine months of pain. For me anger would undermine the honor I desperately need to feel. Many of you know that I have struggled in the effort to save my marriage. The past nine months have been horrible beyond belief but also, in a way that is hard to understand, they have been months, I would never trade. Although I think it came to late to save my marriage as my husband loves another, these months have also brought my husband and I closer together. We have communicated and bonded and learned more about each other than ever before. The hope in me has grown ever smaller as time goes by, it is not yet completely gone but I now know that I am very unlikely to win. I wonder if the anger will come when the last shred of hope is gone. I hope not but it may be inevitable. I do not want to take forever healing. My therapist tells me that it is possible to heal without anger but that it will take longer. All I know for sure is that I am on a journey that I cannot control. I do not know what the future will bring. I hope to end up truly happy again one day. I hope you alll do to. Sorry for rambling. I do get carried away when I'm writing.
GOD Love you Alone. I know every ounce of what you are feeling. Its been two years of pain for me & I pray it doesnt last two more. I too hope their are loyal, good men out there. I have such trust issues that although I should at this point be dating, the thought sickens me.