I so understand your questions. It boggles the mind how these men do this to us after we have devoted our lives to them. That's the hardest part is wondering how on earth they can walk off with someone else and not look back. They seem to have no remorse or connection to the lifetime we spent loving them. There are no answers. But Susan is right, a good cry helps sometimes.

I am sorry for your pain. I cried when I read your post because I know how you feel. I will be praying for comfort for you. And know you really are not alone. . .we are all here for you.

Wow... You will be blessed with a better life. I read your post and felt your sadness. Maybe it's time for you to discover yourself. There are people out there and things to do that will fullfil you in a different way.

I have been having issues in my marriage for the past many years. We have been married 23 years and at this point I don't care if he leaves in the next hour. When you are lied, taken advantage of and your kids are not first in his book after all I tried to make it work. I now don't want it to work. On the otherhand, I wish he left and never came back. I have gotton to the point that I just don't like him as a person.

He is of that type that will turn on his family quickly if something came along. My attitude is life goes on.

I go to the gym, attend to my kids, go to school and meet with friends. All this without him. You have to look at the bright side of life and enjoy what is left of it.

I wish I knew the answer. Both for me and you.

I hadn't invested as much time in my marriage as you did. Only 19 years vs 32. Can't imaging what the extra years make you feel. Know that the years I spent with ex now feel like LOST years if you know what I mean. In the same supposed as far as Ex becoming involved with a high school flame. ****** e off that HE can toss away everything WE had for this dream of being with her.

I feel that if our husbands yield to facebook temptations + old high school sweethearts, they probably would have cheated eventually. I do hope once the infatuation fades my husband is left with thoughts of what have I done! I suppose it really doesn't matter! The fact that I keep asking myself these questions keeps me in a very dark place

You could have been writing my story. I am so sorry you are going through this. I fought every minute before the divorcewas final but he wanted her more than me. She was someone he dated before I knew him 36 years ago. she cheated on him with his best friend back then and after her second husband left her she started searching for my husband. she knew he was married and how long he had been married for but that meant nothing to her. She gave him such sob stories, "I have thought of nothing but you all these years" "I tried to find someone just like you and i married them but they weren't you" "I feel so bad that I cheated on you and I have searched for you to ask you to forgive me" He fell for every single line and hid their communication from me for almost a year.
He has lost the respect of family and friends. ONe son will have nothing to do with him now, he has made it uncomfortable for our other son to spend time with him and the grandkids can't understand any of it and ask so many questions that they are too young to understand. Even with all that he has lost and all the unimagionable pain he has caused, she is still more important than any one else ever was in his life. He told me today that he would have worked on the marriage but could not imagine never seeing her again. So instead he will never see me and that doesn't bother him. I just don't understand. I don't think I ever will.
I know there is nothing that can make you feel better b ut just know you are not alone in this. there are so many of us in the exact same place. What a sad thing to know there are so many of us. What is wrong with the men out there? When did marriage become something that could be just tosed away with out a second thought? I took my vows vry seriously but he didn't.
Please take care of yourself and I hope your life starts to turn for the better soon.
Bridget

I understand how you feel. He dumped you. My ex dumped me after 33 years of marriage as well. Same story, another woman. I also tried for a year to keep it together, but he had already checked out. I asked that he just leave her alone, which he refused to do. The difference is that you are grieving. Your grief is very, very deep.

I don't grieve any longer. I'm just so angry at him that I see red every time I think of what he did. For your sake, I hope you end up feeling anger. It is so much easier to have this extreme anger than it is to have extreme grief.

Please brace yourself for the final day when your marriage ends. By the time we ended up in court, I had already determined that I wasn't going to live like this any more, but it still was a shock to be in front of the judge and have him dissolve our marriage. I was numb. I remained numb for 3 months where I didn't feel anything. I didn't feel anger, happiness, sadness. I had no feelings at all. It was like all emotions had been drained away and there was nothing left. All I did was breath in and breath out. It's just been the past couple of weeks that I've gotten interested in life again.

That final step in this divorce process ends all doubts that this really is happening to YOU. This is something that happens to other people...we marry and never believe this will be us. So now there is a definitieve moment where we can no longer deny that, yes, this is me. My life was just turned upside down. I am now financially destroyed, I am now a single parent (as though he helped before?), I no longer have someone to talk to about my day at work (as though he ever listened before?), I no long have someone to share this or that with (although he pulled away years ago), etc. On the other hand, there is the closure that I needed to truly move forward. I no longer am on edge wondering what he's going to try to take from me next, to wonder what crap he's going to pull, to wonder how he's going to control or manipulate the process. It's over. The end...and the beginning.

Dear Sweet Alone, As I read your post this morning I felt the hot tears streaming down my face. I felt rage and horrible anger in my soul. I wanted to actually strike this man with all the force I could gather. This was a death of all our hopes for you to be able to save this marriage you so desperately wanted to save. We have all become invested in the happy ending which didn't happen. But there will be a happy ending someday and I pray it is soon. You will go on to a full, rich, happy life without this man who used and abused your unconditional love for him. He was actually cheating on both of you. Sleeping with both of you. She deserved this but you certainly didn't! The man you loved so deeply isn't there any longer and hasn't been for along time. I know you keep searching desperately for him in the fog but he is forever gone. I hope you are still seeing a therapist! This man can not be in his right mind. I think there is something in these men who go back to old flames. That time in their lives is really rather care free before the pressure of being an adult has to be dealt with and they think it is going to all be the same but it isn't. Life comes calling and he is really going to have a rude awakening. Let him go to her now. She isn't going to even begin to come close to being the kind of wife, mother, lover and friend you have been to him. He is going to find this out. My dear Alone it is time to go on with your life. You are so young at heart I know you will find someone and love again. My ex wanted to try again two weeks before I remarried. It was to late for that. You really have to feel very sorry for this man. In the end he will be alone and you will be just fine. Do not be alone on the day the divorce is final. Do you have to appear in court? They say the best thing for you is to do for others. Could you maybe volunteer somewhere on that day. Just know we are all here for you anytime you need us. I wish I lived close I would come and give you a big hug and keep you to busy to think about this poor excuse of a man. This is the time to put yourself first. I thought you worked outside of the home. Is that correct? You may want to get another job that pays better or a second job to get extra money. I loved going to school and continued going into my 50s. I'm not sure I'm finished yet. I help so much with the grandchildren I haven't found any time for this lately. You are very bright and creative which comes out in your posts. Do whatever you can to meet more people. Let everyone know you are single and that you are interesting in meeting a nice man. There are some very nice men who have been widowed who were great husbands and loved being married. Don't limit your options. Also many women our ages are marrying younger men. Let the cougar in you out! You have been so strong through out this so try and hang on to some of that strength. Please keep us informed on how you are doing as we are all very concerned about you.