Bridget,

You ask if anyone has any ideas on how to stop wanting to "make it work". Like the other people responding, I am hoping I can help.

You deserve to be happy in life. You deserve to be treated well. You deserve respect. And in the absence of being happy, treated well and respected, you have the right to change - your mind, your situation, your life.

What if you do want something that may never happen? Are you willing to be unhappy until never comes? Are you willing to be mistreated and disrespected until then, too? I hope your answer is no. I hope you consider the idea of changing - your mind, situation and life.

Change is scary. It's unpredictible, too. Disposing of an unappreciative spouse is not fun, and most of us hesitate at the thought of it. However, the rewards of change may be greater than the consequences and temporary discomfort. You CAN be happy! You CAN be treated well! And while divorce can be scary, it CAN be the best thing that ever happened to you!

I am living proof of that, and so are many, many others who have been willing to embrace positive change.

You are the only one who can answer how you can make yourself stop wanting to make it work. But perhaps by considering what you deserve and what you can have, it will bring you to your best answer.

You deserve to be happy in life, Bridget. I have faith that you'll find it.

Thank you all so much for the kind words and good advise. I think the worst thing for me, besides being the only one who wanted our marriage to work, is that I am stuck here on the farm I love having to sell everything including the animals. I am the one who has to go through evrything in the house, all the memories, all the things we did together that are now so painful to see. If the farm would sell and once I get all the animals to new homes then I can move on and change my life. Right now I am kind of stuck. Every time I go through another box os our things, or pack up our pictures etc etc it just brings it all back. I have talked to a counselor, I do have wonderful friends that have been there for me and I do have a wonderful son who has been my rock through it all. (his wife cheated on him and left him 3 years ago so he knows exactly how feel)
I do have many things to be thankful for and I know that. The hardest thing is I still love him, I was with him for over 34 years, more of my life was with him than without him. It is just so hard to turn 34 years off. He has started to be nice and almost makes me think he cares, that is until he is on his way back to the OW. He travels for work so will only talk to me during the week when he is away from her. I know i should just cut him off completely and I have tried very hard to do that, the longest I have lasted is 2 weeks. I just want to stop missig him, stop missing us. We did everything together when he was home and I miss that. I hate living alone. I now that in time things will get better and like I said once everything sells then i can move on with my life. But, this part, the part where I am stuck here is the hardest. I did go out and get a job and I start next week. I am hoping that helps. As long as I am busy during the day I am fine, never think about him or cry but it is at night when I am alone and just want someone to put their arm around me that it hurts somuch. Hard to turn all the memories off then.
I truly hope we all can get through this time in our lives and come out so much better than we ever thought it could be. I look forward to that time.
Thank you again Ladies, you are the best.

Something that stands out so clear to me when reading posts on this site is that we can be going through similar things and we all react differently There are no right ways to feel, or wrong ways to feel for that matter. It is such an individual thing.

I know it really helps me to have young kids at home in that there really isn't down time. They make sure of that. As I'm cleaning up the mess Jerk left behind, rather than feeling the sadness I am more and more glad he's gone. I've always had to clean up after him. He took what he wanted and I'm left to clean up all of the junk. How is that fair? It's not. But nothing about this is fair. So I have thrown a ton of stuff, donated some, and have a ton to go before our mvoing date, which is a week away. And he calls last night and says, "So how's the packing going?" Of course he didn't offer to help clean up the junk left behind.

I agree with what you said Becky. Like you my ex will call me and tell me he is so sorry for hurting me and puting me through this but will not life a finger to help me go through everything in the house and sell it all, along with the house and farm animals. He is all talk and I am sure he tells others that he offers to help all the time, never. Not once has he offered to come here and help me do any of this. I am sure even if he wanted to SHE wouldn't let him. I just want to see the day she throws him out or better yet cheated on him and let him come crying to me. That would be just the best revenge ever.