I understand how you feel. He dumped you. My ex dumped me after 33 years of marriage as well. Same story, another woman. I also tried for a year to keep it together, but he had already checked out. I asked that he just leave her alone, which he refused to do. The difference is that you are grieving. Your grief is very, very deep.

I don't grieve any longer. I'm just so angry at him that I see red every time I think of what he did. For your sake, I hope you end up feeling anger. It is so much easier to have this extreme anger than it is to have extreme grief.

Please brace yourself for the final day when your marriage ends. By the time we ended up in court, I had already determined that I wasn't going to live like this any more, but it still was a shock to be in front of the judge and have him dissolve our marriage. I was numb. I remained numb for 3 months where I didn't feel anything. I didn't feel anger, happiness, sadness. I had no feelings at all. It was like all emotions had been drained away and there was nothing left. All I did was breath in and breath out. It's just been the past couple of weeks that I've gotten interested in life again.

That final step in this divorce process ends all doubts that this really is happening to YOU. This is something that happens to other people...we marry and never believe this will be us. So now there is a definitieve moment where we can no longer deny that, yes, this is me. My life was just turned upside down. I am now financially destroyed, I am now a single parent (as though he helped before?), I no longer have someone to talk to about my day at work (as though he ever listened before?), I no long have someone to share this or that with (although he pulled away years ago), etc. On the other hand, there is the closure that I needed to truly move forward. I no longer am on edge wondering what he's going to try to take from me next, to wonder what crap he's going to pull, to wonder how he's going to control or manipulate the process. It's over. The end...and the beginning.

Dear Sweet Alone, As I read your post this morning I felt the hot tears streaming down my face. I felt rage and horrible anger in my soul. I wanted to actually strike this man with all the force I could gather. This was a death of all our hopes for you to be able to save this marriage you so desperately wanted to save. We have all become invested in the happy ending which didn't happen. But there will be a happy ending someday and I pray it is soon. You will go on to a full, rich, happy life without this man who used and abused your unconditional love for him. He was actually cheating on both of you. Sleeping with both of you. She deserved this but you certainly didn't! The man you loved so deeply isn't there any longer and hasn't been for along time. I know you keep searching desperately for him in the fog but he is forever gone. I hope you are still seeing a therapist! This man can not be in his right mind. I think there is something in these men who go back to old flames. That time in their lives is really rather care free before the pressure of being an adult has to be dealt with and they think it is going to all be the same but it isn't. Life comes calling and he is really going to have a rude awakening. Let him go to her now. She isn't going to even begin to come close to being the kind of wife, mother, lover and friend you have been to him. He is going to find this out. My dear Alone it is time to go on with your life. You are so young at heart I know you will find someone and love again. My ex wanted to try again two weeks before I remarried. It was to late for that. You really have to feel very sorry for this man. In the end he will be alone and you will be just fine. Do not be alone on the day the divorce is final. Do you have to appear in court? They say the best thing for you is to do for others. Could you maybe volunteer somewhere on that day. Just know we are all here for you anytime you need us. I wish I lived close I would come and give you a big hug and keep you to busy to think about this poor excuse of a man. This is the time to put yourself first. I thought you worked outside of the home. Is that correct? You may want to get another job that pays better or a second job to get extra money. I loved going to school and continued going into my 50s. I'm not sure I'm finished yet. I help so much with the grandchildren I haven't found any time for this lately. You are very bright and creative which comes out in your posts. Do whatever you can to meet more people. Let everyone know you are single and that you are interesting in meeting a nice man. There are some very nice men who have been widowed who were great husbands and loved being married. Don't limit your options. Also many women our ages are marrying younger men. Let the cougar in you out! You have been so strong through out this so try and hang on to some of that strength. Please keep us informed on how you are doing as we are all very concerned about you.