You might want to go talk to a good lawyer who deals in custody issues. Sometimes you can go talk to them and get some good advise for little or nothing. that is if you find a nice decent one.
Good luck to you.

Do you have a lawyer in this? You need one. My newphew has been in court for almost two years now at great expense trying to get custody of his two boys back from his mother(my sister and his step father) His case was moving forward and the mediator was suggesting joint custody. At the last minute the grandparents filed to adopt the children. This has been going on for almost 5 months now. In California where we live Family law code 7820-7829 shows grounds to end their parental rights. One year no contact and no support is one of the grounds. I don't know the laws in Oregon. I can't imagine them having you do the traveling. Did you violate any kind of court order when you took them to Oregon? Did you tell the father where the children were? All these things are important in this. Why didn't the father see them? How can he not pay any support? Are you recieving any assistance for the children? If so maybe he is paying them instead of you directly. There are alot of variables here. You could try and do this yourself but I would be careful. What don't you agree with and why? I can tell you the court could care less about you. How you've been wronged ect. My newphew was in the military, his wife is bi-polar and left the kids (babies at the time 3 and 1 )alone in the house. CPS took them and they went to a group home. My newphew was in Afganistan at the time so he asked his mom to please get the kids until he could be restationed and get them from her. He came home on an emergency leave and went to court with his parents and did not object to them getting legal and physical custody. He did get into some trouble with the law. He tried to run from the police from a traffic stop. So stupid!!!! He wasn't drinking or any thing. The dumb kid thought he would just escape a ticket this way. He did have a drinking problem but believe it or not this time he wasn't drinking. He was stationed in Italy and asked his mother to send his kids. The bi-polar mom is totally out of the picture and he has filed for divorce from her. Mom refused to send the kids, but told her other son she could not take care of the kids any longer and was going to try and place them for adoption. Mind you neither her son or daughter-in-law had lost their parental rights. The uncle of the children took them and he and his new wife (they were newly weds) bonded with the children and were going to try and get custody until the dad could leave the military. The step father is the problem! My newphew was sending between 1600 and 2500 a month in support for the children. The step father would not allow the kids dad to have any contact with him and threatened to take the kids back if that happened. My newphew found out were his children were from my mother and he changed his child support to his brother. His mother and step-father came unannounced alleged the uncle was trying to kid nap the kids and called the police. The police were going to take the kids and put them in foster care until it could get figured out. The kids uncle could not bear for them to go back into foster care so gave the kids back to his parents. The kids dad has been sober for almost 4 years going to AA got out of the military is going to college and working part time. He has an apartment with a room for his son's and everything is very nice and ready for the kids to come there. This has been that way all this time now while he goes through the court process. Mind you he has a lawyer the kids have a lawyer but the grandmother and step grandfather do not. The step grandfather knows just enough to keep delaying by filing different motions. My newphew lives almost 100 miles from his children as our whole family lives in the same town and he came here for family assistance. He has to travel to the court where the children are located not the other way around. So I just don't get this. If you can you need a lawyer. My prayers go with you and your children. Even if we don't like it the children should have their father also unless he is harmful to them. The father's don't deserve it but the kids best interest is what the courts are looking at. We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.

Kathleen,

What a mess!

From many other things you have posted I understand your children's father was a wonderful father. You had a good experience with co-parenting. I agree that it is best for the children to have both parents involved in their lives. However, I have witnessed the turmoil it causes a child when a parent is in AND out of their lives as it fits them. My niece's father pretty much dropped out of her life when she was about 3 or 4 years old. On rare occasion the family would invite her over for a family function. To this day (she is an adult with 3 children of her own) it totally messes her up when he, or his family, contacts her. She took the high road and contacted him about the birth of all 3 children. He invited her over for Thanksgiving, then Christmas, then let her down yet again. She is better off when he just STAYS GONE. She knows this and has told me this. She doesn't need him and she doesn't want him messing with her emotions. While not nearly this extreme, my kids are emotionally more stable when Jerk is too busy to mess with them. Yes, they need him. They love him. But he is too inconsistent and there is a huge roller coaster of emotions every time he sees them. I have physical custody of the kids and he has visitation. Joint custody would be a disaster for my kids. They need the security I offer them. Jerk never has and never will offer this to them. I don't think joint custody is always in the best interest of the child, even if the father is not PHYSICALLY abusive. I hope I haven't offend you, that's just my opinion.

Dear Becky, I was not affended in the least. I am on the same page as you that the parent MUST be consistant in their involvement. These poor little children have lost so much from divorce already. I have a similar story as your nieces. My husband had full legal and physical custody of his 6 year old son when I married him. This is my husbands only bio child. This childs mother saw him maybe 6 times in 10 years if that. She was married 5 times before it was all over. She would want to see the boy again when she had a new husband to impress and she might take him once or twice then not contact him or us for years. She has left him standing by the door waiting and she never came more than once. Finally my husband also realized this wasn't doing anything but hurting his child so he made her take him back to court for her visitation. Which believe it or not she got everyother weekend. She never had him over night once. This hurt him so bad and he has had serious emotional problems and is on drugs and drinks heavy. He is now a 42 year old man. We finally had to cut him out of our lives. (He demanded money 5,000 and 1000 a month or he was going to hurt my husband. We had no choice but to notify the police. I have my two small granddaughter here alot and could not take that chance. Fortunately he lives on the east coast and we live on the west coast. So I have also experienced exactly what you have with your neice. How can these parents do this to their own children. I just don't know. Becky you are a one in a million mom and always put the kids first. They know this and will always remember this. I hope all the mom's sharing these burdens can find peace and fairness in the courts.

If you don't agree with the mediator's custody arrangement, then say so. What are your reasons?

If you don't go to court, they will apply for changes and since there is no one on your side, they may get the revised court order for custody. With full court powers behind them, you are screwed....

It is always best to reply...sitting on it and pretending it will go away won't help you too much.