Even if we don't like it the children should have their father also unless he is harmful to them.
From many other things you have posted I understand your children's father was a wonderful father. You had a good experience with co-parenting. I agree that it is best for the children to have both parents involved in their lives. However, I have witnessed the turmoil it causes a child when a parent is in AND out of their lives as it fits them. My niece's father pretty much dropped out of her life when she was about 3 or 4 years old. On rare occasion the family would invite her over for a family function. To this day (she is an adult with 3 children of her own) it totally messes her up when he, or his family, contacts her. She took the high road and contacted him about the birth of all 3 children. He invited her over for Thanksgiving, then Christmas, then let her down yet again. She is better off when he just STAYS GONE. She knows this and has told me this. She doesn't need him and she doesn't want him messing with her emotions. While not nearly this extreme, my kids are emotionally more stable when Jerk is too busy to mess with them. Yes, they need him. They love him. But he is too inconsistent and there is a huge roller coaster of emotions every time he sees them. I have physical custody of the kids and he has visitation. Joint custody would be a disaster for my kids. They need the security I offer them. Jerk never has and never will offer this to them. I don't think joint custody is always in the best interest of the child, even if the father is not PHYSICALLY abusive. I hope I haven't offend you, that's just my opinion.
Dear Becky, I was not affended in the least. I am on the same page as you that the parent MUST be consistant in their involvement. These poor little children have lost so much from divorce already. I have a similar story as your nieces. My husband had full legal and physical custody of his 6 year old son when I married him. This is my husbands only bio child. This childs mother saw him maybe 6 times in 10 years if that. She was married 5 times before it was all over. She would want to see the boy again when she had a new husband to impress and she might take him once or twice then not contact him or us for years. She has left him standing by the door waiting and she never came more than once. Finally my husband also realized this wasn't doing anything but hurting his child so he made her take him back to court for her visitation. Which believe it or not she got everyother weekend. She never had him over night once. This hurt him so bad and he has had serious emotional problems and is on drugs and drinks heavy. He is now a 42 year old man. We finally had to cut him out of our lives. (He demanded money 5,000 and 1000 a month or he was going to hurt my husband. We had no choice but to notify the police. I have my two small granddaughter here alot and could not take that chance. Fortunately he lives on the east coast and we live on the west coast. So I have also experienced exactly what you have with your neice. How can these parents do this to their own children. I just don't know. Becky you are a one in a million mom and always put the kids first. They know this and will always remember this. I hope all the mom's sharing these burdens can find peace and fairness in the courts.
If you don't agree with the mediator's custody arrangement, then say so. What are your reasons?
If you don't go to court, they will apply for changes and since there is no one on your side, they may get the revised court order for custody. With full court powers behind them, you are screwed....
It is always best to reply...sitting on it and pretending it will go away won't help you too much.