Jo,

Try to hang in there. Divorce is a roller coaster of emotions and events. It rips every shred of our life and ourselves apart. It is no easy walk in the park...like you stated, it is more like wanting to drive off a mountain at points, but I pray this is only a passing thought and not a possibility of any kind. When I went through the start of my divorce I did not know whether I was coming or going. I was lost, hurt, torn to shreds and left to deal with so much on my own, like a lot of the women on this forum. We are here to support you because we do understand how you feel. In different ways, we are living or have lived what you are living through. It does get better even though you do not feel it at this point. Do you have someone you can talk to when things get ruff? Do you see a counselor or have some kind of support group other than this forum, maybe a church group etc. I know it doesn't help that your son and his wife will be moving as well. I will keep you in my prayers tonight and pray that you find peace and strength to face each day one step at a time. If we can do it I know you can to. Keep talking on this forum and seek help if you feel you need coping skills. I went to a counselor for a while and my boys still get family counseling as well. It really does help to talk and write about how you feel. We are here for you.

Susan

Susan, I read your reply, I haven't read them all yet, but so agree. It is horrible.
Jo, don't feel alone, you're not.
I am 2 yrs post & it's still so difficult & the description Susan gave also was a good one, ripped to shreds.
& I'm sure if my ex knew how he tore my life apart (we no longer speak & haven't for some time) he would probably be thrilled. That's just the kinda guy he is.
I can't wrap my head around how he made so many promises that turned into a big fat Joke in the end, & I'm sure he has made them with many others since he left! So what is that? Intimacy? Commitment? Till Death do us part? NONE OF THE ABOVE.
What it feels like to me (& YES JUST KEEP SHARING/TALKING THERE ARE MANY OF US LEFT BEHIND)..
it feels like he tried to murder my soul. He did not but all of what he said to me, that's how it feels.
I read, Dante's Inferno, level's of purgatory & picture him right above hell.. sizzling for a good long while for all he did to me.
No NORMAL human being acts like this.. you know that, we all do here. TRY if you can to always remember that. He will eventually pay a price for what he did (what comes around goes around).
Take care of you.. don't drive off the cliff, just take a drive, & know someday he will meet his Maker.
Hugs.

Jo,

My suggestion is to get out of the house and start building a life without him. Its hard. Its one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. But I find there are moments when I am happy and forget and I am in the middle of a divorce. Go to divorcecare.com and find a support group near you, join a book club, volunteer.... do something that will help you build a new life.

I have come to accept that my husband isn't coming home ever again, and it was terrible. But I am to a point now that I think I am going to survive. Although, I can't imagine ever being married again. These men, including my husband, promised forever. He said he would never leave, would be there through the toughest times, and I believed him with all my heart and soul.

So I understand the heart break and not knowing how to survive. But you just have to hang in there and distract yourself away from the pain. Slowly, very slowly, it will get tolerable, if not completely better.

I can so feel your pain Jo. I have been divorced for 8 months now after a 34 year marriage. The pain is something that no one can understand unless they have been there. I know at times it seems that it will never get better and that is so hard to live with and through. But as time goes by there are some good days. I am waiting for the good to out weigh the bad and I know they will in time.
It is the worst feeling in the world, the betrayal and the abandonment but just remember, we are the good guys in this. they are so selfcentered and unfeeling towards the one thay proomised to love and honor for life. We are the ones that took those vows seriously and they will realize what they have done and what they have lost one day. I wish that day would come now but I now it will come.
I am still going back and forth wanting him back, hating him, wanting him back, etc. etc. I do have a couple very good friends that I still vent to sometimes but the venting is getting farther and farther apart. I am not in my third day of not contacting him once again. I still go through times of having nothing to do with him for weeks at a time then I miss him so much I start texting him. He will only answer me when he is not with the sl**t. I am trying to make it longer between contact, hopefully months and months at a time.
I know it is so hard for you right now and seems like everything is falling apart at the same time, but it will get better. Just take one day at a time and find some good in each day. Hard to do I know but keep trying and keep posting on here. There are so many great women on here and it is such a great support group.
Will keep you in my prayers. Hang in there.

I don't think there's anything wrong with what you are feeling...shock, absolute total denial some days...but these feelings will eventually pass too.

He's not the man that you married...but he's being nice to you so it will tear your heart some more...until you figure out that it is you...You...that have control over your own feelings.

Dear Jo, I think it is time for you to take control of this situation! It is not your job to cover your husband's back. It appears he is really gone for good. This seperation has been a very long one. In your position I would file for a divorce myself. This would give you the upper hand. Unless there is some great benefit to you financially why wait any longer. He may be using part of your assets to take care of the other women. You may get spousal support. It is time to play hard ball with this man. Why make it so easy on him? If he doesn't have so much money to throw at the OW how long do you think a women 15 years younger is going to stick around. The healing will come sooner rather then later if you can end this relationship. This speaks to his character and he is by far not nearly a good enough man to waste the rest of your life over!!!!!!
Most of the women here can tell you that delaying has cost them both emotionally and financially. Who cares what people think of him. He is a bad man, period. He should have to reap what he sowed. You have come to the right place for support. These women on this site are family and they can understand what you are going through. We are all here for you to reach out to when you need us. I am so sorry about your son leaving maybe he knows what is coming and needs to get away from the pain himself. This may be a way of sparing him some of the day to day hurt. After all your husband has not just betrayed you he has betrayed his whole family and son as well. You have taken the high road and kept your dignity and that is priceless. I sold insurance for over 30 years. I had many clients who I watched their lives unfold. So many of these cheating husbands did get their's in the end. One man left his wife for his much younger secretary and when he got ill she headed for the hills. His children had disowned him for what he did to their mother and he died by himself with no one to care. Another man left his wife and married again a much younger women. He was in his 50's and developed Alzheimers. He and his new wife had just purchased a beautiful new home.
He poured into it all the monies he had gotten from the sale of the family home. Well guess what the new wife abandoned him and left him on his own. Guess who ended up with the beautiful new home? That's right, the new wife. His ex wife mind you took him into her home and cared for him until he died. I asked her why she would do this and she said it was for the love of her children. She knew it would fall on them if she didn't do it and could not bear for them to have to deal with it. She is one of the finest women I have ever known! Just so you know sometimes something good comes of it. She meet a wonderful man who's mom also had Alzhemiers and they ended up getting happily married. My point is most of these men are eventually going to suffer for their actions. It may take along time but their times are coming. Just hang in there and you will have the last laugh.

Hi ladies and thanks for all the support. I feel like I am stuck in concrete, afraid to move. I fear losing everything I have worked for, not only my home/family/husband/identity my mind as well.

I know I have no choice, he has made this for me, this is all his doing, not mine! I can't move past the feeling of being ripped off and didn't see it coming, not for one minute. How deceiving can these men get? I don't know anymore if I do love him or just miss the US and our marriage, our commitment to each other to take care of each other, no matter what.
How did this all go so pear shaped?
I struggle each day to not contact him and all I want to do is call him and tell him to come home and sort this crap out! What does this other GIRL have that I could not give him? She doesn't even know him, yet she has chosen a married man to sleep with, fully knowing he has a wife! I have too much respect for myself, I could never sleep with another womans husband regardless of whether they were seperated or not. He is STILL MARRIED, all I can think is that she must be desperate as she is single with a child and is getting looked after by an older guy with a huge income, meal ticket I say.

I know there is nothing I can do now except keep praying for my mental stability to return and my feelings of despair to lessen. Thanks again to everyone, and I am sorry for the rant, but you all know exactly the feelings I am struggling with every minute of the day, take care.

I am so sorry for your pain. I to can't figure out if I love him still and miss him, or just miss us, or just miss being part of a couple? I truly thought he was my best friend and what these guys do to us is such a betrayel.
It is just unimaginable to me that my husband could do this to me after so long. Right up to the day I found out he would tell me he loved me. As soon as I found out he told me he hasn't loved me for over 20 years. Now he tells me that isn't true but he loves her more. I just don't understand where their morals go.
I know things will get better for all of us but it take so much time. It just seems that time crawls by and some days it is just hard to do anything, even get out of bed. that is what this site and all of us are for, eachother. And to let everyone vent all they need to. So keep venting and just put one foot in front of the other one day at a time. That is what I keep telling myself....a million times a day.
Hang in there.

Yes Jo,

I would have to agree with you. Any woman that goes after a married man with a family is desperate. Even if the man was lying. You can't tell me a woman that is secure, happy with who she is, and having any moral values would even think of taking part in the destruction of a family....ripping out the hearts of a caring wife and mother and of innocent little children. That is why these women who, betray, steal, lie...etc have blood on their hands. Not to mention, along with the husband, destroying a vow and marriage deemed holy and blessed by God. She is either desperate or is so into herself as the ex that they have no fear of God, Himself.

Either way, I'm with you, Married men are off limits. When you start to miss your husband or begin wanting him back...remember what he and this woman have done and know that you really don't deserve a man in your life like this. I know God has something better for you out there whether it is a man or a new life and you just have to get past this storm to get to the promise of a rainbow on the other side. Keep the faith and hope. You are all in my prayers.

Susan