Hi...I'm new on this board as far as posting, but I've been around for a while...sort of lurking. =) I have been married for 23 years, 20 years too long. I knew when I found out I was pregnant for the first time, that I had made a mistake. Being from a Catholic family, I felt I had to stick with it, for better or worse. Believe me, there were very few "betters" and a whole lot of "worse".
I found out real fast that my marriage was going to be very one sided. Three kids later, I am seeing a lawyer this afternoon for the very first time. About a month ago, I finally said enough was enough. It's not that he puts his own family and friends before our children and me. It's not that we have never been away together, just the two of us. It's not that I do not get complimented or acknowledged for doing the "mommy" stuff and the "daddy" stuff while he's away doing what he wants to do. It's not that he has never supported me, not even when his mother criticized me and ignored my oldest daughter. It's not that I survived the death of my oldest daughter after 12 years of being chronically ill...me being the one that took her to hundreds of doctors visits and hospital stays while making sure my other two children were cared for. It's not that I have raised two beautiful, respectful, hardworking children, basically on my own. It's that after 14 years of keeping silent, I can finally admit that I have been emotionally and physically abused by a man that is angry, insecure and very selfish.
It's going to be a long road ahead of me and I don't know what the future will bring, but I can honestly say, I have been through worse and I have survived. I will survive this, too. Wish me luck!! =)

Hi Lynn. I haven't been to this forum for awhile but really need to vent & will say I can relate to the abuse & selfishness of an ex husband, plus I am Catholic. You didn't detail the circumstances & it sounds like what you had in a lot of ways was stable, but abusive. I know from before there are variations of reasons for divorce here, abuse being a big one!
My ex was extremely abusive & it has been a LONG road to recovery (if that's what ya call it).
One thing that my ex & seems to be pretty common here, is he never allowed stability in our marriage or the environment we lived. He would cause chaos If he allowed a calm it would never remain.
I know men are different than women in their nature but there's a difference between y chromosone & abuse.
It's been nearly 2 years & I feel like I have been to hell.. He left me with all of the b.s. while he left to go have sex with many a women.. He is the epitomy of an Arnold Schwarzenager type, lusting natured who is obsessed with himself. Of course I don't Know their situation from the inside but it's obvious Maria Schriver is dealing with a huge blow & desolving of a dream because her soon to be ex is selfish.
I believe in purgatory as a Catholic & honestly? that is about the only peace I find, that he will suffer for what he did to me. The magnitude of all he did is very difficult for me to grasp.
I pray you find peace & the stability that one needs.
Divorce is a horrible thing. God Hates Divorce, you are Catholic so you know that scripture... I turn it over to HIM & try to get by. I do have some stability back, but oh my gosh to have to go thru this because of a psychopathic narcissistic ex is more than I could have imagined.
Take care. For me it's been a lot of layers to it all. Much loss though. God Is Always there.

I'm so sorry for what you have gone through, and I pray for your healing. To the outside world, my marriage seemed "perfect". He was always the handsome, charming guy willing to lend a helping hand to anyone who needed it. At home, I often walk on eggshells. I never knew when something I say would cause him to blow. Most of the time I was called crazy and I "didn't know what I was talking about". He made me feel stupid even though I'm the one that holds two degrees. He is never around for our kids, so I can never go anywhere with my friends, not that I have many left. I guess they've gotten tired of my excuses for why I don't go out with them.
I'm sure when people get wind of my asking for a divorce, I'll be judged. I mean, really, who could not appreciate such a wonderful man? I'm ready for the onslaught. I keep telling myself that those who know me, will be behind me. Those who judge me are those I leave behind.

Thanks Lynn for your support, also I can relate to everyone on outside who doesn't, "know," the ex also thinks he is something else & don't know his abusive nature (he is habitual abuser). He Needs attention of other women, he does not understand true intimacy (he does but he chooses LUST & irresponsibility).
What I will say is that at least now I am out of the line of fire because as you know & those that are abused, nothing is right, & they need a fall guy (or gal). Lynn, the only peace I find is thinking of him potentially in purgatory because I really believe he will continue to draw people to him & spit them back out after he uses them. He doesn't have trouble finding admirers/sex partners/ (i have much more graphic words in my head of what I think of his behaviors). He (my ex) is a con man... As to me, it is amazing what a toll it takes, & same here, he made sure that almost every person I knew before was out of my life before he left for good. He is about destruction. I've pieced my life back together slowly but it's been so difficult with all I had to deal with (legal/paperwork etc).
God Sees All. I guess I'd rather be on this side of it because seemed to me he was about destruction...

Lynn, divorce is hell, but I really think that losing a child would be so much worse. I feel that I can lose my husband, the bast*** found someone to screw with and left me 5 months ago, but I couldn't bear to lose my girls. They are grown, 23 and 28 but they are my life. I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. We will be here to support you with the mess to come.

Welcome and good luck. It isn't an easy road but you sound like you are ready for it. Hang in here. And I understand the whole being made to feel like you are stupid. And you know what, you might be surprised who sticks up for you, I know I am. Once again, good luck.

I completely understand about being Catholic and feeling you had to stick with it. That's what I did for the last 10 or 15 years of our 33 year marriage. I hung on because I was/am Catholic.

Even before he comitted the final betrayal I went to a lawyer to see about a legal separation. This was a Catholic lawyer who will not take on divorce cases. He told me that legally a separation was really rather worthless and didn't give me any protection. Two years later I had to go to a different lawyer to get a divorce after the abuse and betrayal escalated.

Thank you, everyone for all of your support. My heart goes out to everyone who is dealing with the dream of a happy marriage being shattered. People who are friends of both my husband and myself are starting to come forward telling me they knew of his temper and that they never really liked him in the first place. I don't know if this makes me feel better or not. I guess it comes to show that people don't like to stick their noses in other people's business....but this is one time I wish they had. I might have gotten out of this marriage a long time ago had I known I would have had the support. Lesson learned. I can't look back, I can only move forward. God bless!!