Re: Does anyone co-parent their children with their ex?
Susan thank you for the reply. I am and will continue to hope that co-parenting will take place for the sake of the children.
Right now he continues to be the play parent (he always has been) to the point that he avoids any thing but play with them. He will not acknowledge their needs, feelings, thoughts and right now has other people with them at all times to avoid any of these things- including confrutations. He has ask for me to punish them when he feels they are being disrespectful or bad with him. But he will not do any of the above to help them feel as they should, loved, part of him and not as they say "dad thinks we are troubles kids but we are not he is troubled". Then when he does make a decision about something and it does not work out then he quickly blames me or the children.
I understand that it is new and is an adjustment for all of us. I hope he see's what it is needed and will adjust. It has been a year now and I do not see it. I will keep praying.
Re: Does anyone co-parent their children with their ex?
May,
Have hope. At first my ex and his girlfriend had to play the role of Super Parents. My ex had to try and outdo anything I did with the boys or always one-up me. If I took them to a movie, he would take them to the same movie only in 3D. If I told the boys I was planning to take them somewhere, he would always take them there before me. For a while I could not tell the boys if I planned anything because their father would always ask and take them there first. My son had a stomach ache after a birthday party that I attended as well and I knew he, like every child there ate, cake, soda, cookies, etc and I gave him a Tums and a warm bath to help him feel better. Well my ex had called and when my son said he felt sick my ex got him all worked up and then my ex and his girlfriend decided to send an ambulance to my home because they said my boy was having chest pains. Turns out I spent 8 hours in the hospital and he had gas from the party food just as I had said. I could go on and on with what he and his girlfriend have done, along with trying to always make me look like the bad guy etc...but it isn't worth rehashing him at all.
Now he is a little calmer. He is not constantly demanding about the kids anymore. He is not competing as much anymore and he is learning how to be a better father in some ways. Oh, he still has issues and he is not going to change much...he will always be selfish and try to control things, but I'm not perfect either. We all make mistakes with our children whether we are divorced or married. But in the end, love for our children is what brings us through. I may wish I never had to look at my ex again, but I have to learn to forgive and set things aside for my boys. That is a work in progress as well. You have to deal with co-parenting as you would divorce...you take it one day at a time.
Re: Does anyone co-parent their children with their ex?
Dear May, As always I believe Susan has given you the wisest advice. I have no idea how young your children are. I guess it all comes down to their father's relationship with them is his relationship and you should not bear that responsibility as well as everything else you must contend with. Are the children receiving any counseling? Sometimes an unbaised third party can help with the problems. Let them tell your ex what is in the best interest of the children. You of course need to protect the kids if he is doing something really harmful. You may try to set some boundaries with your ex. Such as tell him it is his responsiblity to deal with correcting the children when they do not behave when they are with him. I know most children I speak with don't like different rules in different households. There are so many variables here. How much time does he have with the children. It is usually a difficult undertaking to co-parent but as Susan has shown it can be done. My prayers are with you and your children. I know you are such a devoted mom and will always put your children first.