Well here I am again. I hate it when things seem to be getting better then out of the blue I just start with the tears. I had been out shopping and was just fine, going out to dinner wth friends tonight so was looking forward to it. On the way home from the store I just started thinking about my ex and cried all the way home. At dinner I was the only one without a partner and there were 6 couples. All I thought about all night is not having him with me. We all use to go out before. I hate being alone and at almost 62 I just can't imagine dating or ever trusting a man again. If I could not trust the man I had been married to for 34 years how can I trust someone I barely know? I Hate this. I hate coming home to an empty house and having no one to put their arm around me and go watch tv or a movie together. I don't think I will ever get past this. I hate him, hate what he has done to me, hate what he has done to our family and I miss him and I love him! How can that be??? I just want all of this to stop and get a do over! I have stuck to my word and not contacted him in any way for 8 days so far but it is hard. I wake up in the middle of the night and just want to hear his voice. Boy I hate all of this.

I understand how you feel. I broke down yesterday and called my ex. I regret having done it. Hang on - don't call.

I used to have those feelings of deep hatred for everything my ex had done. Now I just think about how insane he was and how terribly hard it was for me to live there with him. I miss what it was like early in our marriage, but I never, ever want to got back.

Dear Bridget, Please, please, please do not call him. When you are injured it causes pain for so long depending on the extent of injury. Eventually you begin to heal but if you go out and reinjure yourself you must start healing all over again. It may take longer and you suffer more because this time the injury is worse. This is your heart. It is trying to heal but if you contact him it will just be more rejection ,justification of his actions and just plain pointless because you are only going to feel worse not better. I hope you are seeing a therapist. I think you need help in dealing with this. I know I have been married 37 years and it was like my life was stole from me. Everything gone. The men we loved were stole also and a horrible clone left in their place. Those men are forever lost to us. You can trust again. There are good men out there. There are singles groups and divorce recovery groups which might be helpful as these people are in your shoes. I realize it is hard to be a single in a sea of couples. These are good friends it sounds like. They will be there for you. You might even inlist their help in finding someone new. My husband I meet through a co-worker at my job. You are a remarkable women Bridget. Believe it or not the worst is over. You can and will do this. Don't break down and call him please. You notice he hasn't bothered to call you. I hope that doesn't sound to hurtful. Just take it minute by minute if you have to. We all care so much about you Bridget so please take care of yourself.

Thanks Kathleen, I needed to hear what you said. I have not called, emailed or sent him a text and I am bound and determined not to, but the part of me that misses hearing his voice rears it's ugly head every day. I will be better off never having anything to do with him again and I know that. I now have to convince my heart about that. As you know 34 years of loving this man is hard to get over. If there would have been bad parts, fights or anything I would feel better about staying away from him. The hard part is we never argued, maybe small dissagreements but that was all. There was never any clue that anything was wrong, I actually thought we had a great marriage, all my friends always said they wished their marriage was as good and fun as ours. Then I just happened to find out about him cheating and my world fell apart. If I would have suspected or had any idea there was anything wrong I could have atleast been somewhat ready for this but one day everything was fine and he had called me and told me how much he loved and missed me then the next day I found out about the affair. I think the worst part was I was home alone when I found out and my best friend was away on vacation. I had no one to talk to, no ones shoulder to cry on. I litteraly walked around inthe house for hours on end trying to make sense of this, then I found all the "love" emails between them and I was totally crushed seeing him say the same things to her that he had always said to me. It just seemed so unreal and being alone for that whole week with all this information was the worst. It is still so hard to believe that he could look me right in the eyes and tell me he loved me when he had just left her bed. I don't know which is worse, living with someone you know is bad and cheating or the way it was with me, no clue until it hit me in the face. Neither way is good that is for sure. Anyway, I am staying strong and do have friends here for me. It is hard that now I have lost a whole family I had been part of for 34 years, they have all turned away from me now and she is now part of that family. Never ends I guess.

Dear Bridget, I know exactly how you feel. I am or know I will soon be experiencing all the same feelings. After so many years together it is almost impossible to imagine a life without our men. I am trying to think like Kathleen and realize that the man I loved isn't there any more. But that is very hard because, for me, it is necessary to honor all that we were, I also feel a very strong need to have him be a part of my life always. I am hopeful that when all is done, if we are not together, we will at least be able to be close friends. I honestly do not know if that will be possible. My heart goes back and forth about what it wants, about my feelings toward him. Love, hate, they are just very jumbled together right now. Mostly I just settle in the midde with great sadnes, regret, and deep disapointment in him and his behavior. Hang in there sweet lady. I understand. We will get through this in time.

Dear Alone, I too feel like I need him in my life. He actually wants me to be friends with him and live with her. I just can't be his friend as long as he is with the OW (I have many other words for her). If he were to leave her and get a new girlfriend, someone that had no part in breaking up our marriage I could be friends with him, but not the way it is now. He has told me that he wants it all, her, me and everything. That will not happen. I will not be second best in anyones life. But with that said it is so hard not to email him or call him, but I am trying my hardest not to do that again.
I know we will all be ok and get through this time but it is no fun that is for sure. I just want to see in the future about a year and make sure I am still ok. Hang in there, we will all get through this.