I am so sorry you are going through this. You are going through the mourning stage. It will get better. You just have to stay strong. It is easier said than done. When I was there I thought I was not going to survive but hey look I am still here. You will get through this all you need is time and it will help. I promise you, in a couple of months you will look back and see how different things are. Stay strong and take it one day at a time. Take care and let us how you are doing.

I don't know the answer Gerbillina. There are times when I think I am moving forward and getting on with my life, but then something happens that emotionally puts me right back where I was the day he left. I too have days where I don't know how I will be able to carry on and then I decide to just make it through that day. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

For him though, it seems much easier. I think he has emotionally moved on already. He is happy having a life without me. I can only hope that some day I will be happy having a life without him.

When this all first started for me I had a good friend who was going through the same thing except one thing....his wife cheated and my husband cheated. He lives in Italy and I live in Missouri and he is doing everything to make his marriage work. My husband refused to do anything to make ours work. But, my friend gave me a web site and I will try and find it again. It was the 6 staged of grief and it explained that we go through several of the stages several times, we progress to stage 3 or 4 then back to 1 and so on. So even though there seems no end to this and that it is so very hard to get through it is normal to feel the way we do. It does get better. I have been divorced for 8 months and I still have the horrible days, but they are getting fewer and longer times between. I do feel like I am right back at the beginning sometimes and I still cry myself to sleep a few times a week, but it is not every day anymore. So hang in there and keep talking to all of us on this site. It is a great place to be.

Oh Bridget, If you can find that site please post it here. We really are so similar, I am constantly struck by your posts, that they could have been written by me. I feel much like you do about my recovery but it would be nice to read about what is happening to me. No worries, please don't stress about it. Just post it if you can find it!

This isn't the exact one I had before but they are pretty much the same. The one I had said you will go in and out of each stage several times and it may not even be in order, but until you can get through all of them in a row you will not be done.
I hope this helps.

7 Stages of Grief...

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

7 Stages of Grief...

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

7 stages of grief...

You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.



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Gerbillina, please stop drinking that coffee. You really need to sleep at in order to get your life back on track. Try to read a good book to get your mind off what is happening and to help you to sleep.

This might sound simplistic, but I have been there and I know how it feels to not sleep and have every nerve screaming out.

Stop the coffee. Just a cup or two in the morning and maybe one during the day. You need to get your system to slow down so you can relax enough to sleep.

Here are some things that helped me to sleep:

A warm cup of tea and a nice soak in the tub.

A nice chick flick movie or comedy...not something to intense...something to take your mind off things and just make you smile.

Curling up in a chair with soft lighting and a good book to read

Just saying a prayer to the Lord getting everything out and released before trying to sleep.

Listening to some quiet piano, or instrumental music with the headphones as you lay in bed.

Talking to a friend or family member before settling in for the night.

Taking a quiet walk around the neighborhood or sit out by a campfire.

Or relax by knitting, painting, working on a puzzle etc...

Susan