I just would like to point out there's nothing that you describe that indicates he is (or was) a danger to you or your children. He appears to have kept his sexual peccadillos private and apparently desires to have a relationship with you and the rest of the family. He attends frequent group counseling and sees his psychiatrist.
It's unfortunate that you have money troubles...but that's due to your decision to divorce. I am sure your lawyer sought to recover all that you are entitled to.

Dear Blue, I would like to respectfully disagree with your comment he was not a threat to her or her children. He did not keep this to himself. He did horrible emotional damage to his whole family. I am far from an expert on this subject but I understand many times these crimes continue to escalate to more and more serious crimes. He may have acted at some point on his perversions with an under age child. I would think there would be no questioning Susie's decision to divorce him. He has violated every vow of his marriage. I personally would have been repulsed by him after I knew what he was doing. Why should she have to be a further victim financially. You and I each are intitled to our thoughts on this matter. We can agree to disagree.

Kathleen, I respectfully disagree with your statement that he violated every vow of his marriage. There are clear legal distinctions between "MAY act out perversions" and "actually performing those acts." I daresay most of us have fantasies which, as adults, we keep to ourselves.
Lapdances are legal, and are carefully regulated by most states and municipalities.
He did not (according to the original poster) commit any physical acts that can be construed as violent.

Blue...I haven't mentioned all the things that he has said to me about girls who have breasts are women...no matter their age...and the girls in the pictures he downloaded liked what they were doing because they were smiling. To this day I cannot believe that he has done this. It scares me to think that it could possibly be worse.

He is also supposed to be going to a 12 step group, but isn't going because he says he has been cured and doesn't need help. That the people who go there have real problems...he doesn't.

And he says it is different if they are not related to him.

Is this enough information or would you like me to congtinue to tell you more? How would you feel if it were your daughter he was looking at online?

Didn't I say that he thinks it is ok to touch topless
dancers' breasts because he found a way not to get caught.

So...what's next? Again...if you have a daughter, would you want him around them, at any age?

Talking about money that I am entitled to...No I am not getting what I am entitled to....he stole my youth by doing what he has done most of our married life. He took away from me my best friend and the person whom I thought I could trust not only with my life but with my children's lives.

Yes I did decide to divorce him. I left my home of 15 1/2 years because I can never live somewhere he tried to take his own life. By the way...he told me his attempted suicide was planned...He told me he did it to get attention and he knew I would be home when I got there to save him. Could you imagine what it was like to find your husband in the bathtub almost dead. He was 20 minutes away from being dead. That was the most devistating thing that has ever occured in my life until he decided to confess his sins...and then it just went on and on.

No I haven't told you everything...but no...I didn't get everything that I am entitled to..The best I got out of this is...AWAY FROM HIM.

Dear Susie, Please come here often for support and insights. You story is probably the saddest one to date and there have been some really heart wrenching stories told on this forum. You are truely a victim on so many levels I don't even know how to comprehend your pain. You husband I guess for better words is a sex offender. This is going to have extreme life altering consequences for him and unfortunately yourself. I imagine you will have to go to court as a witness in his criminal case and your children as well. Please try to prepare yourself the best you can for this. He will probably have to register as a sex offender. I'm sure your attorney is a smart one. I would think a cash settlement instead of spousal support would be best for you in case he does jail time and he might as this is a very serious crime. My heart breaks that not only do you have to deal with the divorce you also will most likely have to deal with the criminal case. You sound like a strong women and if you dig deep enough you will be able to do this. I hope your attorney has protected your assets. If he has to pay up to 40,000 for a criminal lawyer why should that come out of your share of the community property? I know it seems like your life has ended but it hasn't. It was a blessing in a way he tipped you off to his criminal behavior before the police came busting in. At least you knew what it was about. Your husband has violated you on so many levels. This man is not the man you married as stated before that man is gone. Just know there are many fine women here that will be there when you need us to support you in this rebuilding of your new life. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your children.

I have to agree with Kathleen. All I see is this man who tells lies, cheats and couldn't care less about his family if he is asking them to take part in covering up a crime for him. He should be asking them to help him overcome this with truth, not aiding in covering his disgusting habits. Sorry, it is one thing to be mentally sick, but it is another thing to manipulate your family into something you yourself are trying to overcome, but if he is trying to hide issues then it sure does not seem that he is willing to even try to overcome these issues in the first place. You are in my prayers Susie. We are here for you.

Susan

Susan...You Rock!!!

Kathleen,

Thanks for your support. I sure hope I don't have to go to court..much less ever see him again when this is over. We already went to Mediation. Of course I took a hit in some places that I should not have...like my house..I should have gotten more of the equity. He just bare faced lied about the value even though I got it appraised. I did ok. The hardest part is the medical insurance...I will have none. I left the mediation without any cash. He took the debit, check book and the two credit cards that we had. We had no bills before this all started back in October and had money saved. Our lawyers are costing us a lot. He ended up paying some of mine, but I will have to pay the rest. I know I will be ok in the end. I just want the papers to be drawn up corrctly as we decided in mediation (his lawyer wants to take out anything that has police or warrant on it, but he signed it so my lawyer and I agree that there will be no changes. The Quadros have been drawn up and just need to be signed. He refinanced the house to give me cash for some of my equity in the house.....he really didn't need to do that,, but his lawyer thinks he might need some money for his criminal lawyer later on. I really don't care what happens to him and hopefully when this is all done, I will never have to see him again. I am changing my name back to my maiden name. My children are my children from a previous marriage, so there is not a blood connection. I really do feel bad for them because he was their father figure for over 32 years. Imagine what went through my mind when I found out what he thinks about young girls. The first question I asked my daughter and my sons too...was...did he ever touch you, And thank God...it was no.

I am really looking forward to getting done and on with my life. Thanks again for your support