So many of us are in the same boat. My husband actually swears that if things don't work out with him and the OW he will "Then" give us the chance to work things out. "Then" is the important word of course, after 33 years together I believe we should have been worth the first effort, not second. Things between us were not bad, I never know he had been unhappy until it was "Too Late". I KNOW that we would be just fine with our new knowledge except he refuses to let go of this woman. Still, I have told him that I would be open to working on us if he returns "IF" I am still available. Like you Bridget, I just do not know how I would feel if that ever happens but I do know that I can't sit around and wait for something that might never happen.
I am on the roller coaster too. After the great day I had yesterday I was down most of the day today. Husband left saying that he would check in with me while he was gone because I told him that it really helps me to know he's thought of me. I guess I should have known better than to hope. 5 days, no contact except a very impersonal text asking if I had spent a rather large amount that came out of our account.

Dear Alone, I hope you DID spend that large amount! How much of the community monies has he spent over the last year going to see the OW? He is no longer your husband and it isn't any of his DAM- business anymore. I hope you find someone else real soon and he is the one who will come begging. Just wait until he actually has to live with this women. Neither one of them is going to enjoy that when the time comes! Try to stay strong and go mingle with people. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

Dear Kathleen, thanks for checking in. I missed you here today. Yes, I did go shopping, nothing too big, most of the expense was for my "project" that I posted about yesterday. Although I was disappointed that the text wasn't more personal, I was glad he checked on it. We are sharing finances until the first of July and we did recently have some fraud on our account. I guess I will need to watch for those things myself. One more thing to learn. But I am actually grateful for the chance to stretch and grow. I hate to sound so needy but I just really hope there is someone out there who will appreciate and love the new, improved me.

I am sure there is a wonderful man out there for you. :)
Perhaps I'm an idealist. But I think there are more than one soul mate for people. And I am sure there is one for you Cindy.

Alone, when he said he would be willing to try again IF it doesn't work out with the OW, how did that make you feel?

You've already gone through a lot more than many of us in your efforts to keep the marriage intact. Personally, I hope you find complete happiness, either alone or with someone else, so IF it doesn't work out with the OW, he has nowhere to go.

I haven't read all posts...
but realized that the term: 'Rollar-coaster', is used..
lol..
indeed...
YES, I think all us wives, feel the same.. rollar-coaster...
Because one day is perfect, then it's like you ask yourself: "who is this man I married"..??//

I literally feel, like he is indeed, a STRANGER..
And it scares me sooooooooooo much:(
As a "person" even, not just husband/dad...

I feel he is a stranger, and that I never knew him at all:/

Dear Alone, From your post I feel a sense of relief. You are clearly on the path to healing from this nightmare. Anyone would be blessed to have you as their wife! You have demonstrated a depth of loyality I have never in my life witnessed. You have shown such grace and poise throughout this whole ordeal. Yes someone will love you and with the same loyality that you so dearly deserve. I don't know what living arrangements you have made with your ex when and if he returns. I would hope that you will have the freedom to explore your options to meet new men. I pray you will be able to continue with a therapist throughout this transitional period. He will be the one who is going to crash and burn if this doesn't work out for him. How could the OW ever live up to his expectations? He has sacrificed absolutely EVERYTHING! My concern is that if he remains in the home with a status quo kind of attitude this is going to greatly limit your options. Why would he want to change this arrangement which is very,very,very one sided. He is really going to start feeling the repercussions of his actions soon. Beginning with financially. I'm assuming he is at least in his 50's. The job markets are scarce especially at his age. Is he planning to retire? How long is OW going to go for this two wife arrangement? There are so many what if's here. You deserve the very best not this! Please keep posting with your success stories. It is such a shot in the arm for those who are where you were a year ago. You are truely a lovely lady.