I also know the shock you are feeling over all of this. My ex had an affair with a young girl that was 15 years younger than my ex and myself. When he and I were walking down the isle on our wedding day this girl was 5 years old...the same age his young niece was when she was the flower girl in our wedding.

These men are selfish fools that seem to have such lack of compassion for anyone but themselves. I couldn't compete with some 25 year old and I wasn't about to anyway. She was also married but I guess she didn't want to wait until her husband became established and could get the gifts and trips for her that my husband did. Of course we had two young boys so she could also play the role of mother when she felt like it. People like she and my ex see nothing wrong with what they do because it is all about them.

They have no concept of commitment, love, trust and just plain saying...No, I shouldn't do this because this will destroy others....I don't even thing they truly understand the damage they actually do to others until it happens to them and maybe even then not. You will never understand people like this and they will never understand the heartache and pain they cause others. So it will take you time to get over this betrayal and shock.

They claim they are only leaving or doing this to you, but they can't even begin to imagine what they do to their own children and relatives. But, as the others have said, you will learn to move on and pull through this because it is what you have to do to survive. This is not a battle you choose, to be betrayed, but it is a battle you must face...a battle of emotions, a battle of understanding, a battle of courage, of strength, of fighting to piece together what you have left of your life and your family. I am so sorry your husband was one of the selfish ones. Many of us have been where you are now and we are here for you.

Susan

Dear Anjie, The man is a coward to not even be able to tell you he was divorcing you. I realize the pain is unbearable at times. You have to talk to a lawyer ASP. You need to protect your assets. Is he out of the home at this time? Do you work? Alot depends on which state you live in. Was he a good father before all of this? If you don't feel like answering questions I understand. It is time to protect you and the two children. Sometimes their new life isn't so great when they find out their obligations go right along with them. Do what you can for yourself. Post on this forum as much as you need. We do not get tired of hearing it believe me. Someone will always be here for you. These women are the most compassionate, caring and wise women I have ever had the pleasure of communicating with. Most of us will tell you that we have all been guilty of not acting fast enough thinking they would change their minds. You can always give back if you want but get it first to make sure you will have it in the first place. Do not let your husband take from your babies to give to this OW! We will all pray for you and may God bring you peace with this.

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I, like you had no idea any of this was going to happen to me. After 34 years he went back to his first girlfriend who hasa habit of sleeping with married men. One of the first things anyone told me was to protect myself first, financially. My son who unfortunately had gone through this with his own wife a few years ago told me to talk to a lawyer and find out what I could legaly do to protect any assets. My ex was spending a good deal of our money on this piece of trash but it was out of an account I didn't check. I talked to a military lawyer (we are ex military and live near an Army Fort) and the first thing he said was to take all the money out of our savings and put it in an account my ex could not get to. He said do not spend a dime of it but hide it. Also he said any other account that I can take money out of to hide so he doesn't spend it on her to go ahead and hide but again do not spend any of it other than for normal bills etc and keep copies of every thing you spend and put them in a safe place so you have proof of where and what you spent it on. This may seem like the last thing you want to do right now but in the long run it will help you. I don't know if your husband is spending family money on the other woman or not but you need to protect what you can for yourself and your kids.
Like some of the other ladies said these men don't think they are doing anything wrong and they can only see what they want, not what they are doing to anyone else.
This truly is a wonderful place for you to be. The women on here have a wealth of knowledge and are the most understanding people I have had the pleasure of talking to. We are all in the same boat one way or another and when you just need to vent or cry on someones shoulder this is a great place to do it. Don't be alone, you need to have friends and family to lean on now too. this is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through but I have been lucky and have great friends and this site. I have been divorced 8 months now and it does stop hurting as much most of the time. You will have some horrible days and some good days and as time goes by you will start having more good than bad days. Hang in there and take care of yourself first, you need to be strong for your kids.