I was pondering my life, at least the last few years, and all that I have been through and as I pondered I began to realize that I have more courage then I give myself credit for. During the hardest time of my life (while my husband was sitting in a prison cell) I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. Thinking back on the day I got the news I recall the Dr. telling me the news and I remember breaking down and crying, thinking at first that my life was over, a grand feeling of self pity coming over me, but it only lasted about 5 minutes. Then I dried my eyes, lifted my chin and said "Ok, what comes next?" and put my grief and fear behind me and made a solid decision to fight for my life. No matter what it took, no matter what I had to do, no matter how hard, I was going to fight for my life. I spent the next two years going through chemo, radiation,and a lumpectomy thinking it was over just to find out that I was going to have to have a bi-lateral mastectomy and reconstructive surgery as well as a complete hystorectomy. Another 5 minutes of crying and it was back on the road to fighting. I had 9 surgeries in the year that followed (after the mastectomies and the hysterectomy) for reconstruction. Wow! If I can make it through that, I can make it through this.

As I was discussing with my niece today the 3 years of treatment I went through I began to realize that the a cancer diagnosis is alot like a divorce. I cried for 5 minutes before I decided to fight a deadly cancer. Should I spend more time crying for a man that does not deserve my tears? My life is worth far more then a man that would stoop so low as to have affairs, sleep with prostitutes, or molest my children. That man is not worth as much as my life. Getting over this divorce is just the same as deciding to fight for my life and freedom from that evil called cancer. If I spent five minutes crying before deciding to fight for my very life from cancer, how long should I spend crying over him before I start fighting for my life? I would say to you that the grief that comes with the diagnosis (divorce) should only last a short time (relitively speaking) and then we break down and cry, think that our life is over,and then take a few minutes to feel the enormous wave of self pity, but then we wipe our eyes, lift up our chins and ask ourselves "Ok, what comes next?". Then we put our grief and fear behind us and make a solid decision to fight for our lives. If we are diagnosed with a deadly disease and we chose to fight for our lives it is no different then a divorce. It can be like a deadly diagnosis if we let it or we can choose to go through the pain (the diagnosis), the betrayal (surgeries), the legal issues (chemo), the custody issues (radiation), dividing property (mastectomy :)), but in the end we go through the reconstruction. It is not easy and it can be very painful, and in some cases may take months but it does end and you do eventually go into remission. The cancer (the divorce or you ex depending on your outlook) is gone and you are better. Ladies, we are fighting for our lives and just as none of us would give into a nasty cancer we should not give into this. We need to chose to fight for our lives. Just as cancer has no right to claim any one of us, neither does a divorce. Lets fight for what is rightfully ours. Our lives should belong to no one but us. FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! God bless ladies.

Excellent Post, Dina! Great words of advice and a great way to look at it. You have been through an awfully lot. It is certainly your time to enjoy life and be happy. (((Hugs)))

Wow Dina - You are an inspiration and I'm thanful I woke up this morning and read your post.

Dina,

You really are learning more lessons out of this divorce and I think you are very brave with a great amount of courage. I do believe these men are cowards and truly are like cancer in our lives. I love your analogies and you really do inspire us all. You are so right about learning to face your biggest fears...It makes the little ones seem like nothing.

Susan

You are absolutly right Susan. If we can conquor the big fears the rest is cake. I was at church tonight listening to a sermon for fathers and the thing that made me so angry is that my kids are facing another Father's day without a father. I was so hurt knowing my kids have to live through this. These men have absolutly no clue how their actions affect their children (especially mine). He has lost his children but it was his choices that did it. They were totally innocent. Sadly, Fathers Day is just another day for my kids. But again, even they have to face their fears now. Way too early if you ask me. Thank you for your kind words.