I've decided the phrase should be "You never know a man until you divorce him." While I have not had to deal with the horrible things many of you have had thrown at you, I have learned a lot about my ex through and during the divorce process, and the person I have gotten to know is not someone I like. He is capable of unethical, selfish,unhonorable behavior that I had not known before.

I can relate. The signs were always there, butI did not want to believe them or deal with them. We had kids right away and I always thought, I am not perfect either and I need to always keep my marrage in-tact for the kids. When I look back and add up all the lies and bad behavior, I cannot believe I actually lived through all that and held a good job for over 20 years and raised 3 great kids. Although it is hard to see my STBX with another women and the divorce has been hard on the kids, I know that I am better off. Once the pain and just time passes I know I will get 'back to happy' someday!

Ladies I can't imagine the nightmares you have lived through with pedophile husbands. This would rock every ounce of your being. It would impact your own sexuality I would guess. I do pray you have been able to seek theraphy for this life destroying loss you have had to endure. To be betrayed on every level is just to much for any one to have to bear. You are the ultimate survivors. I was so moved by your post! Just trust that there is a place and someone new for you to comfort you from your losses. It does take time. You are rebuilding a life as if rebuilding a house which was built poorly only to collapse. Take your time and build it strong on a good foundation. My heart goes out to you who have suffered so much pain. Take back your life from the ashes and live a good, happy life.

Every divorce is painful on some level. Give yourself time to grieve and heal. And most importantly, don't forget that his problems are not about you and are not your problems - they are his. It will take you time to trust again, but you will.

Thank you all for the kind responses. I never missed him at any time after he was removed from the home. I have mainly felt guilt for the victim. I could have stopped it or some how protected her (he had intentions to fly & meet her). But, we have a sick son who has had multiple operations, dr appts, therapies. If the ex knew every minute of my day and controlled all the rest. Then he would know when & what he could get away with. I have cried so much because of the guilt.

I have sought counseling, one place said "There was no place for people like me" and another said he thought I was handling the situation fine and needed not to come back.

There is a place for "people like you." Dont ever let any narrow minded wind bag tell you otherwise. Here is a great place and as I told you in my first post I am also a "people like you." I have felt no judgement here and neither will you. Do not own that guilt. It is not yours to claim. He did what he did, not you. There is nothing you could have done to stop what happened. I lived with the man that was hurting my children and didnt even know it. Talk about guilt. He would leave our bed and go to theirs and I was none the wiser. These men are master manipulators. When you question them they lie straight to your face and are so good at it that you believe them. We are just as big of victims as those that they actually violated. We fall victims to their lies because by nature we want to trust the one we love. That is natural. We want to believe the best in them and in doing so we fall victim to their lies and manipulations. Do not blame yourself. There is nothing you could have done to stop what happened, especially if the young girl knew how old he was. My daughter fell victim to a pretetor like that but she knew how old he was. She wanted so bad to be loved and accepted after what her father did to her that she fell into his lies. He violated her the same way her father did. I do not blame myself for that, I blame her dad. He set her up to be a victim for the rest of her life (if she does nothing to change that). I am getting her couseling but ultimatly it is up to her just as it is up to us not to be victims. Do not blame yourself, this is his issue, not yours. Pray for that girl because you do not know what her past was. It might have been like my daughter's life and she too was a victim or she could have blatantly chosen to be involved with an older man. We dont know but one thing we do know is that it is not your fault. Dont accept those lies, DO NOT OWN THEM. Move forward as best you can, for you and your children. It will not be easy but it is possible and necessary. Post any time and please know that you are not alone.

Who am I and Dina,

You are both strong women and I agree that the guilt belongs to your exes. Only God can judge the heart, but I know he would not want you to bare the shame of others. I felt ashamed of the things my ex did with this other woman and I had to learn that that was his shame, not mine. He made a fool of himself, not me...I can no way compare this to the two of you and how it must feel to have a husband who betrayed you, your family and others in a deeply sexual way.

So rid yourself of any shame these exes have brought about. You are not to bare the shame of others...that is what Christ came to do for those who truly wish for forgiveness. Judgement is for God...When asked what it was that we should be doing, the Lord said the greatest commandment of all is to love one another. If we truly love one another we would not have to worry about betrayal, but our exes really don't understand love at all. Don't ever let your ex steal your compassion for others and also for yourself. Wrongful guilt can do that to a person.

Susan