My kids dad just dropped them off. This was the first time that he has taken them since filing papers last week. It is so hard. I am so upset that they were gone without me and then it hurts so much to have their dad drop them off and leave. I have been sick to my stomach most of the day. I don't know how I will make it through all the times this will have to happen for the rest of my life.

I know how you feel. Except for one thing. My kids are not allowed to see their dad, they havent spent a Father's Day with him in 4 years. He does not deserve to see them but it hurts to see them go through this day. It is just another day in their life and that is so sad. What he did caused this and he deserves to have to spend every Fathers day alone for the rest of his life but my kids do not deserve to go through life without a father. I hate holidays more and more as the years go by. Christmas is the worst. I don't even like to celebrate it anymore although I do it for the kids. Valentines Day, my birthday, they all are so hard. On most days all is good but these holidays are tough. I know it seems so fresh and exceptionally painful but it does get easier. Holidays are the toughest but take heart, there are more regular days then holidays. You will get through it.

Anjie you are stronger than you think and you will find that out. When this happened to me I didn't know if I could function at all. I couldn't imagine going through one single day with out him and having to realize what he had done to me, but you do.
You get stronger every day, even the days you think you just can't do it you put one foot in front of the other and you kiss and hug your kids and you do what you have to do. It gets easier as time goes on, not that it is ever easy but easier than it is today. You will have some bad bad days and on those days you make sure you are on here yelling for all of us to come to your aide. You call family, a good friend or anything just to get you through. Then the next day will be a little better, you may not see it at the time but when you look back on each day you will start to see that you can make it through this and you can be a strong woman and mom for the kids.
Something great will happen in your future and you will be ready and stronger than you ever thought you could be.
Just remember you are not alone in this, we are here and I am sure your friends and family are too. But at the very least we are and on the days I still struggle the first thing I do is get on here and start reading. Also I have a journal of sorts on my computer desktop and when ever I am really having a hard time I start writing, write anything that comes into your mind. Call him what ever you want, yell swear or what ever you need to at the time. I don't go back and read it for a few days or a week and when I do read it again I see that I am ok now, I made it through those few days. So do what works for you to help you, talk to a counselor if you can. Anything you can do for yourself will start helping. I know how awful it is right now and I hate that for you and wish we could sit down and talk, this site is the next best thing. You can say anything you want on here. So hang in there and stay connected with us. We are all here for you.
Bridget

Like Bridget said it is a step by step process that you will go through and some days you really have to give yourself that push to move on and let go of some of the hurt and pain that comes with splitting our children away from us. At first it broke my heart to not have my children with me all the time, I always gave my time and attention to them and now I had to share them with my ex and his girlfriend.

Funny how my ex never wanted to be around the kids much unless it was something he wanted to do. At the start of the divorce he became Super Dad and his young girlfriend played the role of Wonder Mom. The two just broke a family apart and snatched the boys away as soon as they could. Selfish souls to the core. So I know how you ache for your children, but you will come to learn to live with what must be because you will have to and these selfish men know that. Their day of judgment will come, but as for you, you will make it as Bridget has stated...step by step by step by step.......

You are in my prayers. I have been where you are and now I am adjusted and have learned to use and enjoy my free time and I never thought I could do it ...just as you think you can't...but you will because you must and you will because you love your children and you will because you have strength in you that you are just beginning to pull out of your heart.

Susan