Bridget this is in response to your last post below in the Am I The Only One Thread. I am very touched by what you said about what happened between your ex and you and felt I should start in a new place. I am glad you had the talk with him. Sometimes that is exactly what we need to do to make things happen. It sounds like he has missed you and regrets his decision. Even if it doesn't always go the way we want it to, I am a big believer in striving for understanding. I do believe that many of these men do see the wrong they are doing, even from the very first and that many more will see it once they get what they thought they wanted and discover that it really isn't everything they thought it would be. Even if it is, the guilt for leaving a good, loving, woman behind so coldly must surely get to the good ones, as yours and mine must have been since we love them so very much even now.
These beliefs are part of what keeps me in the house with my now ex-husband. We have been having so many great talks lately, talks that I hope will lead to a change of heart on his part. Talks that are risky for me because they do cause me to feel more love for him than ever. (his lack of communication was the real cause of our divorce). But to me the risk is worth it because we are gaining a real, deep understanding of each other that will surely serve us well in whatever relationship we have in the future. I am also keeping him here in the hope that once he goes away, if he begins to see that maybe things aren't so perfect as he expected, perhaps all the nice times here will lead him back to me. Our relationship was never bad, but it wasn't as good as it is now either, so I need him to experience the new, improved us for as long as possible. He has said since the beginning that this woman was possibly a mistake but that it was just "something he needed to find out for himself." He has promised that he will come back if he sees he's made a mistake. I do not know if it's a mid-lie crisis or if he really feels he missed something because we married because we were pregnant, or my deepest fear, is that this woman really is the one he should be with.
I do not know how much longer I can continue like this. It is hard and gets harder all the time. Like you yesterday, I had a sad day today. A sad day, even while he is here. I am so tired of hoping and sharing. Lately it seems that, except for bedtime, I am happier when he is gone to visit her. I do not quite know what that means either.
I do know that we will be having another long talk this weeekend and see how that goes.
Bridget I will pray that things work out for you exactly the way you want them to. I hope all the best for you.

I know my ex still has feelings for me, why else would he have been crying. I asked him if he missed me at all and he said of course he did, every day but was hesitant to call me because he didn't want to cause me any more pain.

Like you, when he was here we got along very well and we talked about everythying. I told him that proved that we could fix things but he said now that he had cheated it was broken and could not be fixed. I was not able to forgive him at the time because I was so hurt that he had cheated and lied but I really have forgiven him now. I still have days where I get angry at him and I have days where I am still so hurt but every day I still love him. And every day I want US back. We were always good friends but over the years we just didn't pay enough attention to the marriage. After 34 years we had just started taking each other for granted and he was never very good about talking about things that bothered him. He told me a little while ago that he thought I would not have believed him if he had told me there was something wrong. I don't understand why he said that because the few times we did talk about problems we always did something about them.
I don't know how this will all turn out but for now all I know is I love and miss him every day. I know you are feeling the same exact thing and I hope you have things turn out the way you want. I just don't know why they make this so hard!!! Just stay with us and everyone will be fine! I know that and you know that so now all we have to do is wait until they figure that out. Take care and stay strong.

Well I knew it would come back to slap me in the face again. I let myself get my hopes up but once again he let me know that talking to me was not that important. He always talked to her around 9:30 so at 10"30 he sent me an email saying it was too late so sorry I am not calling.
Isent him an email telling him once again that I would try my bet not to ever call him again. I said that he had the life he chose and I am not in it so will try and keep it that way.
Naturally I am not handling this well. So I took an anti anxioty pill and am going to bed to feel sorry for myself yet again. i just need to get it through my think head that he does not want me anymore.
I hope you have better luck.

Hang in there, Bridget. We're here for you. I'm pretty hit-n-miss these days...life is keeping me very busy, but I still care.