Hi Ladies,

quick run down because Im at work. After trapsing round I got tired of the whole thing and asked ex to move out of house and give me a break with son. Just some time to chill. He has trashed house, doesnt pay mortgage, bills etc. House going into repossession. Anyway I painted and cleared up, house looking like my old home.

So he says I can stay with my son (our) because its more my house than his and obviously its easier for me. School up the road whereas I have been spending a stupid amount on petrol and travel.

He doesnt work so he could move to his friends. He told me he felt like he was in the way at his friends, I asked him how the heck did he think I felt?
Anyway he left then came back and said we could just stay there together until the court date.

Ladies, you know how I missed him, couldnt quite get over what we had. Well, nothing has changed. He hasnt changed, he manages it for a few days then it starts. He becomes really agitated because its not how it was and I am not 'back with him'. I am simply sharing a space.

Two weeks ago he lashed out at me because he was drunk and I was trying to leave, he knocked me to the floor and hit me so hard on the side of my head that he has burst my ear drum and I bled inside. I am deaf in one ear and now I have to wait six weeks to see how much it can heal itself before looking at surgery.

I didnt phone the police because I knew it would mean prison and my son adores him.

Now Im stuck in the house, I dont know how to even leave and all that I felt for him is gone. All the promises of change and realisations he had are none existent.
He spent days convincing me of his sorrow. He says I must speak my mind, I asked how can I if I dont know what you will do? So I keep quiet and its winding him up.

I have no idea what I thought I was losing before but it tormented me for two years. Now I can see he's just not a very nice person.

So Im in a better position in my own mind (clarity) but physically its a bit tricky and I have no idea how it will end up (how I will leave in one piece lols).

Have to go now but just wanted to say hello and have a moan.

GET OUT and get out now. I had my ex do a few small things (never as bad as yours) but they got worse and worse each time. There is NOTHING you can do to change him. I know you said your child is close to him, but does he really need to look up to a man who is going to physically hurt you like that. I say pack enough of his things that he can leave right away, sit down with him and make sure he hasnt been drinking, and tell him everything. You are a strong person, every woman is deep down. Break out of that shell and protect yourself from any further harm. If it makes you feel better, call the police and tell them your husband has threatened physical harm and that you are afraid that tonight could turn into something more then threat. Ask if a patrol car could just be stationed close by so if you call you dont have to wait. It will be hard, but you will be SOOOOOO much better for it in the long run.

I'm with CelticChick. Get out, get your son out, nevermind the house. You and your son are the important things. He has now caused physical, possibly permanent, harm to you. This is not the act of a sane, caring, worthwhile adult. This is the act of a nutters, selfish, git. Time to call in the Peelers, my dear.

..that's sad, Abbey. YOU should had call the police. Your son would not look favorably on this when he is older. The message you are sending is that it is ok for you to get bloodied...

I called police and sometimes I thought about it...but in the end, the call had to be made.

I hope you will reconsider and file charges..

Get out. I don't know how you do it, but get your things and get out without him knowing about it. Call a women's shelter, call the police and have him arrested, whatever you have to you. You and your son are in physical danger. Angry men kill their women every single day in this country. Don't let yourself become a stastic.

I agree wwith the other women, Get out now. It will only escalate. They always feel bad and say their sorry, untill the next time and you could be hurt much worse. Even if you have to go to a shelter for a time and maybe talk him into getting help. It just may wake him up to what he is doing. Take care and good luck.

GET OUT

He's dangerous. Get out now.

I've been there. I was lucky to get out alive.

I'm glad to hear from you, Abbey. I've been wondering how you are doing. Wish it were better news, though. Stay safe. You can't keep your son safe if you don't take care to keep yourself safe, too. Please keep us posted.

Thanks for the replies ladies,

no internet at house so can only respond from work.

I stopped taking the prozac two weeks ago and I am much clearer in my thinking now.

I want him to leave the house as he should have done right from the start, I refuse to be homesless while he loses the only stable thing in my and my sons life.

Thinkgs are tense and I think he knows its him or me, I swear to Almighty if he so much as pushes me I will call the police. I am hoping he leaves voluntarily, he knows exactly what he faces if he loses his temper again.

You are right in all you say and over a computer it is hard to explain or desribe everything. I did call the police in the past and he knows I wont hesitate if there is a next time.

I refuse to roll over for this man anymore and roam around like a lost dog with my child when there is a home that can be saved, the mortgage people have given us a chance, except he cant do it but I can. Im facing financial debt for the rest of my life if I walk out now and it is repossessed, for two years he has called the shots and made good on his promise to ruin me. Im sick to death of it. He swore he would ruin me and he has currently but I'm going to get out of this and he will have no control whatsoever.

I have no recourse to public funds for a solicitor so can not apply for a non molestation order unless something happens.
I am partly unclear why I didnt call the police during the last incident but I think it may have had something to do with the medication because I simply couldnt face any more crap and my son was having such a wonderful time with him it just felt wrong. Im different now, stronger and clearer.

During the weekend he stomped out and stayed out till the next day, it was fabulous being back in my home with my son, chilling having fun in the garden. I think that was also a turning point for me not to have this man bully the path of my life and my sons anymore. I have recently felt exhausted by it all but now Im ready to fight for a life that I actually deserve, just to be left in peace with my son.

If I truly felt my life was in danger I would leave but I know he is far too selfish to give up his own life for a long time in prison. I intend talking to him when he is sober and trying to come up with a reasonable solution. When drunk I will keep out of his way.

Tell you what though ladies this has done me a huge favour in waking me up. I used to doubt myself all the time, wondering if the good out did the bad, thats because my mind and memory played tricks and I forgot a lot of the little insidious things that lay underneath our relationship. He can be the good guy for a few days but ultimately the nasty man is always there and will always undo whatever the good accomplished.

Believe it or not, Im feeling emotionaly lighter than I have for over two years. The emotional roller coaster did me more harm. Now I am at last clear in what I want and what I dont want. That in itself is priceless after all the confusion.

Anyway thanks again for your input Ill be in touch and hopefully one day Ill have some good news for once

Ps, just to add that my sister is moving in so safety is better (his is not guaranteed....).