Oh Selma, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I have been there myself within the past 10 months, I am still there in some respects, and I know how difficult and painful it is. My husband also said he couldn't think and that he had no feelings. He also said that he felt he had to break what we had in order to fix things. (That line is so surreal to me that it's really hard to believe that two men actually said it). I have been officially divorced for two weeks today. I NEVER wanted a divorce but had no real choice in the matter as it takes two to stay married. However, we are both still living in our home and we are getting along better than ever thanks to my eyes being opened to some changes that needed to be made and to the personal growth he and I have both made during the last difficult months. In my case, there is another woman involved. She is someone he knew in high school and they saw each other again at a reunion last June. By the time I found out about her in August he felt that he was in love with her and was definately leaving our state to be with her. I have fought this and, except for the divorce he has made no effort to go to her other than for monthly visits. He now says that there is some chance of us working things out. It is a small chance but it is better than NO chance which is what I had when I first found out. It is extremely difficult but I will not give up on us until he goes to her.
I believe that my husband had suffered from depression for years. I saw the signs and so did our children. I also think he is having a mid-life crisis as he also has many signs of that.
If your husband is willing to go for counseling I say go. I think he might have one or both of the issues I believe my husband suffers with. Unfortuately my husband is the type of man who will not go for help. he thinks he can handle his issues himself.
Best of luck to you if you choose to work on your marriage or even if you don't. This site is a great place to be. The woman here are supportive and very helpful.

Promise, take my word for it; it is another women involved but they will never admit to it...Sorry but it is what it is...Men do not just walk out without another on the works...Sorry but I am crying my heart out tonight & I hate men right now...You say one, you say them all...They all only think with their zippers...NO man does without sex, gay or NOT....

I SO agree...when a man says there isn't another woman, and the wife has no clues, etc.

Unfortunately, in my case it was 31 years of verbal and physical abuse.

He stole that many years from me, but I won't let him win..I won a scholarship because of what I wrote about my life and am in school at 64! I refuse to believe he took the "best" years away from me. I belileve the best is yet to come. I refuse to give him that kind of power.

Hugs and Love, Alice

P.S. I think it is another woman also; every time I read one of these stories, it always is.

Protect yourself.....in case he decides to move out, etc........see an attorney (NOT that you will need one), but have your ducks in a row in case don't be blind sided.......

I have to agree with all the other women on this post. My ex told me the exact same things as well and although he hid the affair until I had the proof to confront him, he even denied it then as well and then when he did finally confess, he stated she was only a friend and it had nothing to do with how he felt.,,These foolish men are all the same. You can almost blueprint their patterns of words and actions when they are cheating. He has now been living with her for quite a while and we share the boys. These men go out and do what they want and tend to leave the wife to pick up all the pieces. You need to start protecting yourself. Talk to a counselor or a lawyer right away and set up a plan of protection. If there is another woman which it seems to me to be, watch your bank accounts and credit cards. Start making a list of all your assets and make sure he isn't closing things out or sneaking items out of the home. My ex did so many rotten things that I never would have imagined he would do. When there is another woman involved be prepared because she will be putting her two cents in anytime she can grab his ear. If there is another women it is usually a battle of 2 against 1 and who do you think will sway your husband if he is already cheating with her? I wished someone had warned me sooner.

Susan

You are so right Susan. My ex's girlfriend has done this before. This is nothing new to her and she knew how to manipulate the situation to her advantage before I even knew there was a situation. She even told him she would lose her house if he didn't stay with her and help with the payments. She would tell him how good he looked when he looked like crap. She would tell him what ever it took to make him think he was the best thing since sliced bread. Her last husband was just the same, she slept with him and convinced him she would be so much better to him than his wife was and he got a divorce and married her. Didn't take long for him to realize his mistake and he started cheating on her!! Shew as shocked!!
I even sent her a text several months ago and asked her if she really expected these men to be faithful to her after everything they did to their own wives?
Right now she is making his life so darn much fun, going out every weekend. No responsibilities, just always having a great time. Who wouldn't want that, but the other shoe will drop and these men will see what they have done. It is just so hard to wait for that day.
The first thing I did when I found out is talk to a lawyer about my rights. He was spending lots of money on her out of an account I didn't check. He was putting things on a credit card I didn't have access to but then paying it with our account. The lawyer said it was totally legal to hide money so he couldn't spend any more on her. I could not spend it either and had to keep reciepts and everything else showing exactly what I had done and why. Keep copies of everything. Your bank statements from now and then later to have them to compare if he is spending money on her. Just keep track of everything and make copies of things you think shows some changes or anything suspicious. If you don't need them later you can throw them away but if you do need them it is hard to go back and find it. Just protect yourself.