You know I feel the same way...How can these women come into our marriages and have no remorse for what they have done...I hate my stbx with every fiber because he thinks because he is happy we are all suppose to throw our hands up in the air...We have four grown kids who our hurting as much if not more than I am...My husband will not see the hurt because then he would have to feel the guilt which he does not want to feel he is the guilty party here...He thinks because he says he happy finally that we all should congradulate him... I promise to find enter peace with our shelves we have to turn to God for help...If not for finding a church after mine walked out for a 4 time divorcee who is after his money, I do not know how I would have surivied this far...We all just have to remember the bad side of our spouses and remember now these new women have to put up with it once the honeymoon is over which we all know how fast that ended for us...These women may fill what we didn't give our husband but remember there will be something they lack also, NO one is perfect especially these low life women who have no morals...I do believe they all pay one way or another...If not money, health or happiness they all will pay some how one day & they all will have to worry on their death beds answering to God...Sorry but just venting tonight, I try my best to always look for the bright side to get over it & move on to a happier ending...I do NOT want to see my stbx happy at all but will leave it up to God to punish him...Just try your best to see a bright side of it all...It has to get brighter if we all let it & NOT drown in our own self pity like our ex would like ...Remember that is what the Whor* get off on is our own unhappiness; so don't give them the satisfaction...They get more jealous if we are talking sweet to our ex's which puts a sour bridge between them...Good Luck to all....

Thanks Dixie for your comments. It helps.

This is a very crappy situation. I can understand that you dont agree with their relationship and no one should expect you to like this person, but maybe what needs to happen is a sit down where you explain to them that you understand you have no choice in who he sees and who he is with and that your children will be involved with who ever he has in his life. Set a few ground rules, like what you dont let your kids do or see with you and how you hope they wont do it at their place. How you would like to know who your son is with only because if something happens you know who to contact. It will never be easy for you. Maybe one day this woman who obviously shows you no respect will be out of the picture.
I personaly learned a LOT from my ex mother in law when it comes to being the woman your ex is with when it involves kids. She was always making sure the kids called their mom, sent copies of report cards and school papers. Got birthday cards and Mothers day cards for the boys to sign and send to their mom if she didnt have them. Showing the Mother of your boyfriends children respect goes a long way. I personaly plan on offering to meet my friends mom if things move farther just so she knows who her kids are around from time to time. I dont care if she likes me, but I want to show that I respect her and her wishes.
I wish it could always be that way for everyone

Celtic: Excellent post and I completely agree with you. There are good "new" women out there (even if they get the leftovers). Sometimes marriages end because partners are totally incompatible...not because people are evil.

I don't claim to be a Christian but the idea of sitting around and wishing ill-will, purgatory, hurt, or harm on anyone..especially someone you had kids with seems really awful and distasteful to me personally. I cannot say I like my stbx husband but I can't imagine sitting around plotting that stuff...talk about bad karma.

Through all the hurt of my divorce the number one things I've tried to concentrate on is my children. My attitude affects theirs...they watch me...my reaction to things. When I'm down....so are they...when I hurt...so do they...when I'm angry...so are they. The number one rolemodel in any girl's life is their mother. Everything I do...everything I say is critical to their emotional well being.

My stbx hasn't settled down with one woman yet..but when he does (and I hope she's someone who likes my children), my primary focus will be to make sure that I meet her and that she understands how precious my kids are to me and that I have expectations of how they will be treated. I have no intention of intentionally starting a war with anyone because it makes me feel better or superior if its bad for my kids. They are sooooo much more important than I am. I want their happiness even before my own.

If these men can't do what's right for our kids...if they don't get it. That's what makes our job as mothers even MORE important. We have to do our job and compensate for their bad one.

Marriages end...relationship change. In fact, chance is the only constant in life. More negativity..more hate...more bitterness...more war...why oh why does anyone think this is going to help heal them or their children???

Be an example...not a victim!

Well, that's easier said than done in my case.
I have so much anger towards my husband and is old wh@re that I had to warn him, if she ever gets close to my son there would be sever consequences for her.

And at least i am not ashamed to admit all these feelings. Even though I allow my ex to take my son during the week, but I know that the wh@re then is at work and is not around. However if I could i would stop him from seeing our son full stop! I know how wrong it is, but that's the only way I could've paid him back for all the pain he caused me.

Unfortunately there's no such thing as being civil in my case, I really cannot be civiil with somebody who wrecked my family. And I do ask God regularly to punish her.

Once my son is big enough and able to understand everything, he will know the truth about his father. I have no intentions hiding anything. I will not exaggerated but won't be keeping away how his father cheated, how he lied, how he dragged me on my neck and threw on top of chest of drawers, how he threw us both out of the marital house and how he was taking my money and wasting it on the wh@re. NO NO NO! I am not going to hide it from my son just to make sure that his father looks good in his eyes.

Gerbillina: I understand that you're angry. I get it...but what does that have to do with your child?

If you truly love your son...you may want to take a little time and reconsider your position. It is one of the cruelest things you can do to a child to alienate them against a parent. Children have the RIGHT to have relationships with both parents. The divorce details should under no circumstance be shared with a child. Its actually a form of child abuse and the court is considering it now in custody battles...you can google parental alienation syndrome. It can affect your custody situation and more importantly is simply child abuse.

The type of behavior you're talking about can seriously damage your child, his relationships with you, his father, and everyone he touches in his future...including his potential future spouse and children. You can emotionally cripple a child in doing what you're suggesting.

If you truly hated what your husband did to you and your family, why would you even consider resorting to behavior that is he even worse than his and directed at your own child...why victimize him? You're his mother...your judgement is vital to his well being.

I do understand how angry and upset you are at your ex's terrible choices but please consider your actions towards your child. Although I'm not a huge fan, Dr. Phil has a book out which discusses things NOT to do to your kids during and after divorce....here is the website http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/242 . You really really should reconsider.

Best wishes!