Celtic: Excellent post and I completely agree with you. There are good "new" women out there (even if they get the leftovers). Sometimes marriages end because partners are totally incompatible...not because people are evil.

I don't claim to be a Christian but the idea of sitting around and wishing ill-will, purgatory, hurt, or harm on anyone..especially someone you had kids with seems really awful and distasteful to me personally. I cannot say I like my stbx husband but I can't imagine sitting around plotting that stuff...talk about bad karma.

Through all the hurt of my divorce the number one things I've tried to concentrate on is my children. My attitude affects theirs...they watch me...my reaction to things. When I'm down....so are they...when I hurt...so do they...when I'm angry...so are they. The number one rolemodel in any girl's life is their mother. Everything I do...everything I say is critical to their emotional well being.

My stbx hasn't settled down with one woman yet..but when he does (and I hope she's someone who likes my children), my primary focus will be to make sure that I meet her and that she understands how precious my kids are to me and that I have expectations of how they will be treated. I have no intention of intentionally starting a war with anyone because it makes me feel better or superior if its bad for my kids. They are sooooo much more important than I am. I want their happiness even before my own.

If these men can't do what's right for our kids...if they don't get it. That's what makes our job as mothers even MORE important. We have to do our job and compensate for their bad one.

Marriages end...relationship change. In fact, chance is the only constant in life. More negativity..more hate...more bitterness...more war...why oh why does anyone think this is going to help heal them or their children???

Be an example...not a victim!

Well, that's easier said than done in my case.
I have so much anger towards my husband and is old wh@re that I had to warn him, if she ever gets close to my son there would be sever consequences for her.

And at least i am not ashamed to admit all these feelings. Even though I allow my ex to take my son during the week, but I know that the wh@re then is at work and is not around. However if I could i would stop him from seeing our son full stop! I know how wrong it is, but that's the only way I could've paid him back for all the pain he caused me.

Unfortunately there's no such thing as being civil in my case, I really cannot be civiil with somebody who wrecked my family. And I do ask God regularly to punish her.

Once my son is big enough and able to understand everything, he will know the truth about his father. I have no intentions hiding anything. I will not exaggerated but won't be keeping away how his father cheated, how he lied, how he dragged me on my neck and threw on top of chest of drawers, how he threw us both out of the marital house and how he was taking my money and wasting it on the wh@re. NO NO NO! I am not going to hide it from my son just to make sure that his father looks good in his eyes.

Gerbillina: I understand that you're angry. I get it...but what does that have to do with your child?

If you truly love your son...you may want to take a little time and reconsider your position. It is one of the cruelest things you can do to a child to alienate them against a parent. Children have the RIGHT to have relationships with both parents. The divorce details should under no circumstance be shared with a child. Its actually a form of child abuse and the court is considering it now in custody battles...you can google parental alienation syndrome. It can affect your custody situation and more importantly is simply child abuse.

The type of behavior you're talking about can seriously damage your child, his relationships with you, his father, and everyone he touches in his future...including his potential future spouse and children. You can emotionally cripple a child in doing what you're suggesting.

If you truly hated what your husband did to you and your family, why would you even consider resorting to behavior that is he even worse than his and directed at your own child...why victimize him? You're his mother...your judgement is vital to his well being.

I do understand how angry and upset you are at your ex's terrible choices but please consider your actions towards your child. Although I'm not a huge fan, Dr. Phil has a book out which discusses things NOT to do to your kids during and after divorce....here is the website http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/242 . You really really should reconsider.

Best wishes!