I think that I am near the end of this god awful road at last.I left my husband 3 years ago now.I did the very wrong thing of having an affair.I have no excuses but I had been telling him that I was going to leave for 2 years solid.I had heavy antidepressants, counselling etc before I finally couldn't get the message home to him that I was desperately unhappy in our marriage any more.Unfortunately this was the only way I felt at the time he would listen.......drastic I know and unfair on all around.I had fallen in love with the man I had an affair with by the way and I didn't sleep with my husband ever again after I had met this man and left him soon after.We had planned to be together but for many reasons it simply didn't work out.
I am now completely the man I fell for but it took a while and also left me on my own (which I am now grateful for).
This behaviour of mine saw months of hell (and it continues) I am now having to fight him in court for my 4 children home after I had a emotional breakdown, this saw me have to give up work for a year and let my ex H have the children whilst I got myself well again.I hit rock bottom, thankfully my rock bottom wasn't quite suicide but almost.I wanted to write because I realise that often on these forums someone who has an affair is seen as a monster.
It isn't something I would ever do again but I wanted to voice for people that struggled so much with the pain of leaving and the aftermath of a very difficult time for all of us that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
I am now well (still fragile) but alive and rebuilding my future although I am not sure quite where that will take me now.
I want my children home and to make amends for not managing this separation very well but I never really learnt the skills of managing my emotions very well from my childhood.
I have since learnt how to approach things very differently.
for anyone that wants some support or hand holding please PM me Ive been though hell and back but I can now look at it from the other side.
Seeing what my ex husband is capable of if you cross him has made me realise he wasn't the kind of man I would ever have chosen to marry.He still controls me through the children and has of course moved on,got engaged etc.
me on the other hand have tried as advised to keep everything as normal as possible for the children.Im single,im working,I live alone,I managed to keep their home so far and its been worth every step.I do wish I could have sorted our marriage issues out but unfortunately I dint have the skills or strength to do it.
Please for those of you struggling keep going it really does improve.