I think I would also feel hurt witnessing my children being able to be 'bought' and feel like it was really unfair. Esp if you think that these gifts are making them forget how terribly your ex treated you. I think I'd feel betrayed. I'm sorry that is your situation. That totally sucks.
For me it is the feeling of being left out. My kids are 27 and 29.
Their Dad was physically, emotionally and verbally abusive to me.
He BUYS them with dinners, furniture, money itself. I cannot afford to keep up with that nor do I think it is meaningful. Seems
all his nasty ways were forgetten because of what he can buy. It is frusterating.
I am going through the same thing Mary. My ex was an alcoholic for 18 years of a 25 year marriage.I raised the kids while he drank every night after work .We were both physically abusive to each other but he was also emotionally and verbally abusive. He sobered up and decided everything was my fault and wanted a divorce. He no longer wanted live in MY CRAZY WORLD. He never apologized or even understood how I came to live in crazy world. My kids and his family forgave him and he now buys them everything and they just act like he is the best thing ever.its like nothing ever happened.It blows my mind. My daughter even said to me we are related to him, you are not. He should take care of us. (Kids are 19 and 20 even pays my sons car payment and my son doesn’t work)We should be first in his life not you.i was and still hurt by her words. I’m going to be ok one day but right now it hurts like hell.
So for me, it’s being blamed for the destruction of the marriage,being left out and treated as if I am the one who doesn’t belong when I did everything I could to keep everyone happy.No one cares that I am alone and sad!
I'm here with you! I am 59 . No children. Married? WELL..... Twice so far, going on my THIRD. DEAR LORD, I NEVER EVER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THIS WOULD HAPPPEN TO ME. Married my High School sweetheart, lasted 8 years. Alone 4 years. Until I met #2 husband. A little older with a son. I thought this was great. I had a son. That didn't last, started having a lot of trouble with son. Now #3 !This is unbelievable. Three? I was with him 14 years! Now we are going for divorce. I feel left out of Family outings, because I live in FL and family lives in PA. I can't afford the housing in PA. So I am STUCK HERE ALONE IN FLORIDA. NO FAMILY HERE IN FL. Being with husband #3 none of my friends liked him, so they quit coming around and calling. Not very good friends? I still feel left out even with neighbors. On Thanksgiving, I thought maybe someone would invite me over for Dinner. Didn't happen. I found out later that my one neighbor and her family went out to dinner. My other neighbor was home but then I noticed she had taken off too. I hate being single ( singled out is more like it). So here I am. What am I going to do with my life? It will be a 100% change for me, and I am not sure I can do this. THAT'S MY HARDEST PART OF A DIVORCE.
Suz: My mom went through this. The married couples mostly felt threatened by her as a newly single person. She was, therefore, left out, socially. My Dad divorced her and then she married again to a man who was twice divorced, not popular with anyone, he died, she's now married again to a man who, it does not appear, to want anything to do with her family. When I was young and single, no couples ever invited me anywhere. As soon as I started dating ex, we suddenly got invited out by couples at work. I got divorced 21 yrs. later and kept, luckily, some of my single friends and didn't move - didn't want to. Mom's in FL, too, went there with 2nd hubby (3 hurricaines and toxic algae later). I know someone who joined a "meet up" group to socialize. I have single friends who are closer to their "Church family" than their own. I joined senior Yoga and a low cost health club and met many single ladies. These are just some ideas. Best wishes. I hope you can get home to PA eventually.