I am in just about the same circumstance. My husband has been verbally abusive for months. Our kitchen is a pantry, if he wanted something he would just reach over in front of me or push me aside. He was terrible when my sister came for a visit, she wanted to go back home. Just last month he came home drunk on his butt and possibly doing drugs. He started cussing at me, because I said. Don't tell me your drunk again. He told me to f...off, called me an f....b...., told me I WAS NOT HIS F..... WIFE. It has been over a month and I am constantly breaking down. I can't handle the stress. Sometimes I wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up. I live in FL and my family lives in PA. I can't find a home cheap enough to afford and I am on Disability. I am sooo upset. I do not want to stay here in FL. I have no help. I am a mess.

I hate this for you and can only offer that you find a church group support system that has a divorce group. This may or might not help but certainly worth the try. I am going to give mine a try (if I can get my child with separation anxiety to go to a group) so I can hear the testimony of others, share resources & learn more about working through the stages of grief. I know how badly it hurts to feel so alone and essentially homeless in this process and can’t guarantee that it will provide what you need, but do believe that you will begin the journey to recovery with one step at a time (Also reach out to the battered women’s shelter for classes & resources & keep moving toward better knowing that you deserve so much better. We will never change the person that screwed us up, but we can change ourselves by offering our own testimony. Even here on this forum, know that you are not alone. It sickens me to read that we all are dealing with the same thing and that so many good hearted women are/have allowed so much **** in our lives, but it’s our opportunity to teach and find better ways together. It kills me that my husband is currently snaring another kind woman in FL by the way using the same tactics he did with his first wife then me (I just put up with it for so long it’s nuts)and know it won’t stop because he is sick, not me, not you or any woman contending with an a#%^e. Having disability means that you automatically qualify for so much more than the average woman. Contact your local department of human services and utilize their resources to the best of your ability. Look into section 8, no need to have children since they help people with disabilities, go through the interview & they will likely offer you emergency assistance. Or move to a room rental, I know FL has so many this is how my husband has always moved around (although he lives a double life so never get involved with roommates)

Thank you for replying to my post & I most sincerely hope you get a new place away from him quickly.

I'd call the Domestic Violence Hotline to see if they have suggestions. Best wishes.

I’m so sorry to hear you are going through this. I’ve been reading a few posts from some ladies on here and yours caught my attention. I was with my husband for a little over 18 years and he came home one day after a work trip to say he’s done. We’ve had our issues along the way but I understand where you are coming from. DONT fixate on the phone records... let it go. It’s going to turn you up inside and it just makes you feel worse. What I do to help is I’ve written a note down on my phone and when I get the urge to text him (be it angry or missing him or just telling him I hurt because he was my best friend for the longest time) I read it over and over and over while I breathe. It’s helped tremendously! There is also this app called youder that has helped me and its only been a few days.

Here if you ever need to chat... no one is ever alone in this journey of life and that’s what’s going to help me get through this - knowing it’s part of my journey to feel loss and heartache, to weep, to wonder and to shake my head in disbelief - because it’s molding me to be a strong courageous woman. Stay strong and be strong with me because we can do this!

You seem like you have learned a lot about how to cope. Im wondering why I "can't " write him and say i miss him, i appreciate the good things we had, etc. ....why? i guess because ive tried a bit of it before snd he practically ignores it and thatburts. so i am opening myself up to even more hurt. i know there is no possibility of him coming back andyet i still cling sometimes to the idea that we could reunite! I was writing things out in a private notebook and that is helpful. y psychiatrist said to keep doing that...write what i want to say to him, but sont send it. its so strange though! 38 years together and boom, poof, suddenly we cant talk.

Your story is some what like mine.... I’ve been with him for 20 years. I should have left years ago when he first hit me but didn’t. I went through years of his job jumping, alcohol abuse, his many jail arrests for drinking and abuse charges,physical abuse , financially nightmare( filed bankruptcy this past summer) and dysfunctional family. He is trying become sober ... I believe it’s been a month but he has tried numerous times. I still wasn’t the one that left him. He moved out 2 months ago because his AA friends said he should because of his bad relationship with his 13 y/o son and me. I actually just found out from him last night that he is actually in a sex buddy relationship with a 34 y/o and he is 48. He called me last night at midnight to tell about his friend and that he wasn’t able to get it up last night with her and he was devastated. He needed someone to talk to and he picked me.... really! He knows I still love him and that I’m an emotional wreck over this and he calls and tells me this... wtf! Im so angry this morning and can’t hardly function.... I’ve always been there for him as friend and financial support through alll his struggles. What is wrong with me... how can I still love this man... he has put me through everything but the feelings won’t turn off. How can we recover from this?????

Not even sure where to begin so if I ramble I am sorry. I have been with my husband for 25 years this March and we still live together. Our current plan is to get our income tax check and fix up the house to sell and go our separate ways. I have been ready to leave him for many years now due to his alcohol and drug abuse. He is a nice guy but I have been supporting him for years. I am tired of carrying him on my back, when is it time for him to carry me. I have tried to get him to leave for years now however since he can’t keep a job he has no money to go anywhere and can’t afford the house so I can leave. The loan on the house is in my name. So that is why we are selling. We have not been intimate in years and during one of his temper tantrums where he tells me what a bad person I am for not loving him he says he wants to see other people. My thinking at the time was, if he is happy with someone else maybe he will leave me alone. The only problem with that is now he has a job and isn’t laying in bed all day. She gets the good side of him while I got the crap! He laid in bed for like 6 years straight feeling sorry for himself and depressed. I was laid off for over a year and not one time did he say “wow, you are out of work, I should probably get a job so I can contribute”. So now she gets the good James that actually is a functioning adult. I am so ******* I had one rule, “don’t bring anyone home”. Well I went to visit my parents for Thanksgiving and heard on my cameras (he turned them around) that she was here and they were having sex in my house!!!! When I got home he cried and apologized and said he just wants his wife back but what can I do at this point? I do love him but he has disrespected me so much is it impossible to go back now and I’m trying to figure out why I would even be considering this since my head remembers all the bad things. He is a nice guy but has bad morals and still dies drugs but the thought of him not being around after being together for the past 31 years seems impossible. I don’t know if I want him because someone else is interested. I’m such a mess and don’t know how I am functioning everyday. My heart wants him to be who I fell in love with but he has changed and doesn’t have his priorities straight. Like I said, he is a very nice person but I told him I don’t want someone who does drugs any longer. He is always trying to find a way to cheat the system and it absolutely drives me crazy. Just work and pay your bills. I have the app activated for find my friend so I know where he is at all times. I looked through his phone to find her name and found out that she is a drug addict also. They seem to have a good relationship and I keep trying to tell myself if he is happy I am happy but I don’t know if I believe it. I know I love him. After being together over 30 years how can you not. But I just need someone to carry me for a while and he will never be that person. If you aren’t helping me in life you are dragging me down. If I can support him all these years I can surely support just myself even if my rent will be more than the house we have shared since the moment we got married in 94. Thanks for letting me ramble. I just don’t know what to do at this juncture and just thinking of him happy while I am living alone makes me so sad. I hope someone will be able to share some wisdom to help me through this trying time.

I k ow how you feel, I am just going through a divorce, but it's the hurt and the waves. It's the what it's, and the why's and the he was an *******, but he was my *******. I never would have thought I would be in this situation. But you are loved, you are worth more than being a wife to someone. That hurt will be there and itll be hard, but it will be ok.
I hope for the best for you.