Womans Divorce Forum

Discuss your troubles, compare ex's, offer suggestions, and share stories!

Womans Divorce Forum
Start a New Topic 
Author
Comment
Re: Life After Gray Divorce

A gray divorce is when older couples who have been married for a long period of time decide to end their marriage. Would anyone like to share what challenges or problems she is facing after having gone through a gray divorce?

Re: Life After Gray Divorce

I am a person who experienced a "gray divorce". I didn't know what that was until someone told me that I was in that category and looked it up. It is not an easy place to be. Anyone else, gone through it and willing to share some wisdom?

Re: Life After Gray Divorce

I am only 3 months into this, but have learned a few things. I'm the one that moved out, into an apartment, and love the peace of no daily arguing, no walking on eggshells, etc. But.. it is lonely, which is different than being alone. I can't share with my adult children because in my case it just wouldn't be right. They have their own troubles & don't need mine. I have one friend that's been a godsend because unfortunately, she went through this a year ago. She listens, prays for me, advises me and truly loves me. So a loving, understanding friend is so important, if you have one. If not, pray that God will provide you with one. I've also just learned that I'm vulnerable when I hear my husband's voice, or when we meet to discuss things. I still love him and I tend to melt. I need to be stronger and look out for my needs because he no longer will. Keep the reasons you left in your mind and heart. Don't forget. There's so much more I could say but not enough time. Besides, I'm struggling with hurt and anger, and need help too. So sorry you're all going through this. God bless you all. 💕🙏🙋‍♀️

Re: Life After Gray Divorce

Very true that you need that good friend who can listen to you. Also, that friend can remember the reasons you left, and remind you of them when you get weak. I know what you mean, Karen, about keeping the reasons in your mind and heart, but we need to make sure that we don't do that to an extent that we harm ourselves through bitterness (I am all too familiar with the hurt and anger). That's why having the friend is great, so if you start to feel guilty or sad, they can remind you of the good reasons you had for getting out.

I don't know if I have wisdom, but some advice... try not to dwell on what you don't have any more. Focus on what you do have and your potential to have new experiences. Stay away from the people who judge you and let yourself find the people who are willing to listen and understand.

Re: Life After Gray Divorce

I have been separated from my husband for 6 months and had the hope of getting back together. However, he decode wanted to move forward without me. Our relationship was an emotional roller coaster ride. He was battling sobriety from alcoholism and I had my first ever manic episode. I was always rescuing him but he told me he didn’t want to come home to a house of chaos (referring to my depressive disorder). I am devastated! Any suggestions? Not many friends to talk to. I am 57 years old. He makes good money and is hiding it. He refuses to talk to me. He took his name off of a credit card that was my primary one which $2800 is owed and I only work temporarily as a substitute teacher. He just suggested a mediator. Divorce is expensive in New Jersey and we are trying to put our daughter through college. Help!!

Re: Life After Gray Divorce

I told him in February I wanted a divorce I left the family home at April. We will be married 37 years this month and I'm going to be 58 this month coincidentally.

I'm so glad I'm not with him but I am lonely. I do have friends, I have some very good friends. I just don't have the wear with all to call them. I fainted much easier to just stay in my apartment with my dog and watch television all weekend. I work all week so I'm tired anyway. Just don't have the interests I used to.

I think that perhaps one of the many reasons I'm feeling this way is although I have a lovely apartment and I really enjoy my time here. It's so peaceful. I'm still in flox. I look forward to next year, after the divorce, when I can buy a house. And it will be my house.

Unfortunately my oldest son, age 32, is so distressed about this he refuses to talk to me. My other son, age 27, was recently married. he responds to my text but I am not seeing him since his wedding 2 months ago. He keeps saying we'll get together. I hope so. I know I disrupted their lives too, but I could not stand to be in that marriage any longer. I thought of leaving over 20 years ago. I realized I needed to be happy.

I know in the end everything is going to be just fine. It's just getting there. Good luck to everyone in this thread.