Hey everyone. I am really having a horribly hard time with myself after my divorce. It has just been finalized, my husband left me last year in July for basically no reason, just walked out on me one day. I have been doing everything I can to handle it well, going out on weekends, I have travelled a lot, continue to work full time and my job is busy, bought my own home. But the truth is I am having such a horribly hard time with how insanely lonely I am. I have never felt such horrible emptiness and despite being a real friendly outgoing person I feel I can't connect with anybody. I feel like I am spiralling out of control downward. I have been online for months trying to meet someone but I lack interest most of the time, I have put countless hours into it but have no desire to casual date, I want something real. I have sabotaged a couple of chances I have maybe had where I for once, felt an interest I think by being too overly sharing of my feelings about things in life.... likely a result of my extreme loneliness. I haven't had sex in 9 months, I feel like I am going crazy. I feel so unloved and just thrown away like a piece of trash. I cry constantly and I haven't been able to sleep in over a year properly. Everyone tells me I have handled it so well but I sometimes just lay awake at night wondering if a person could actually die from this kind of loneliness because its so awful.
I am so sorry for what you're going through, but you are not alone. I can so relate to the feelings you describe...that spiraling out of control, lonely feeling. My husband of 32+years left me last year right around this time. We are still married but living apart, though I feel a divorce/separation is looming soon and my heart is breaking. I have also had a few chances to entertain a new love, but it always goes back to him...the man who once cherished me and I feel I will never love that way again, nor do I even want to try. I was always outgoing although he was my best friend and we seemed to enjoy each others company rather than hanging with friends...although he seems to have new friends now. In all honesty I too have felt that I very well could die from loneliness, depression and anxiety. I don't know what keeps me hanging on sometimes...hope? God or a higher power? Maybe my own strength...although I feel very weak right now.
I want to leave you with something positive but I know there are so many things people have told me over and over until it all becomes a blur sometimes. But most importantly, you are not alone! Reach out to family and trusted friends as much as possible, even if they are telling you the same thing over and over. Possibly try a face to face support group or seek counseling...both options I am looking into myself. I know it's hard when we are isolating and taking that first baby step is scary. Find your strength and soon focus and purpose will come to light! If you pray, The Serenity Prayer is something that helps me at times. Wishing you Peace!
I have been divorced since 2009. When I first got divorced, I found that keeping the t.v. or radio on all the time when I'm home helps (still do). Also, I go to Senior Yoga and met some nice ladies who also have a book club going. I think it is good for people to join in some type of a class, church or whatever interests you.