Long story short I’ve been married for 6 years. Earlier on in my marriage red flags started popping up, but I ignored them. Now we have 3 children (8m,4 & 8(from previous marriage). My husband has 2 children from a previous marriage and it’s been tugging on my heart for about 4 years that he doesn’t do anything for them except pay child support (he has not seen them since 2013). His previous divorce was messy but when I tell him that he is hurting his children his response is ( no one told her to leave). Over time my respect meter for him has gone to 0%. My number 1 hate in life is a man that doesn’t take care of his children. I am very concerned that if I ask for a divorce he will in turn do the same thing to our children. With that said is it selfish of me as a mother and a woman to possible subject my children to that? Or should I suck it up and stay with him for the children? On top of everything I’ve said because I work and take home more than my spouse does, he is under the impression that he doesn’t have to be held financially responsible for things because “I can afford it. He is currently overseas and when I asked him for help with groceries he didn’t feel the need to help. He kept asking me what I was spending money on. He only decided to help after talking to his mother and talking to another male friend that told him he was wrong. He himself didn’t feel as though he was wrong. I am literally drained in my marriage,I don’t want to talk to him, see him or even have any type of physical contact with him ever again.
Am I selfish?
i don't think you are being selfish, i think he was selfish to deny helping you out with groceries and it took others to convince him to do so.
BUT, divorce regret is a real thing (typically for the person who wants/initiates the divorce. so you have to be 100% sure this is what you want before going down such a permanent path. if you are not sure, then i'd tell him how you feel and be COMPLETELY honest. explain that if he will not change and go to counseling to work on these issues, then you may need to start considering divorce.
you at least have to tell him how you feel and give him the option to save the marriage or work on it before pulling the plug. trust me, you don't want divorce regret. you don't want to look back someday and ask yourself, "what if we did counseling and i had tried to make it work before getting divorced".
if you try and it doesn't work, then you won't have to live with the regret of NOT trying your hardest.
it sounds to me like you are still unsure if this is what you want, thus why i'm advising you so. i just know if it were me, i'd want to do everything possible to save it first. but i don't know your husband or your marriage, in fact i'm a complete stranger to you. so perhaps read up on divorce regret and also strategies to try to save your marriage and go from there.