My best friend had her baby today. It was long awaited and should have been joyful for me. However her brother is my husband whom asked me for a divorce on Monday. I was doing fine at the hospital all day until my husband arrived and I lost it. I sat with his family in the waiting room hours. Everyone knows what’s happening but no one said anything to me about it. It was nice. Then he showed up and I became overwhelmed with grief. We should be celebrating together with our best friends but instead I’m angry that he is ruining my life. We should be having a baby and planning the future. But he doesn't love me anymore. He wants to be friends. Then he calls and texts me every day. Holds my hand. Took me to dinner last night. He say he loves me as a person and wants me to be happy. All I can think about it is that a year ago today we were two weeks out from our wedding and our friends were trying for a baby and we had our whole lives. Now I’m at home alone and he is there with them, celebrating. He has taken almost everything from me. I had to sit in my car at the hospital for ten mins and cry before I could drive away. I want the pain to go away so badly. Pease someone help me.

Kate: Very sorry about this. If seeing him is very painful for you, then don't. If he is serious about leaving, he should move out if he hasn't already and stop texting, calling (he shouldn't be contacting you unless it involves an urgent matter). Be glad you didn't have kids together because then you would have to face him and deal with him for years after he ended it and it would have been worse. My advice is to spend time with supportive friends over meals, coffee, whatever you like and to take care of yourself. I joined a low cost swim place and take senior yoga with a few nice ladies. Yoga is great for relaxation/stress if you don't have a major health/injury issue. Also, you should get a consultation with a divorce attorney, but remember, every phone call, e-mail, court time, etc., they will charge you for. Sometimes the first visit is free. Get your own bank account and cancel any joint credit cards you may have. A Lawyer would tell you to do that. Best wishes. Let us know how you are. We do care.

Lara,
I’m having a rough night. It’s been a week and a half since he asked for a divorce. Nothing else has changed. He had already moved out a couple months ago when I found out he had talked to another woman earlier this year. He is staying at his sisters, my best friend. We still talk every day. He comes over and spends time with my daughter. He is her dad in every way that matters. I already agreed that he will still get to be her dad always. I can’t hurt either of them that way. But he hugs me and kisses me but then walks out the door saying “I told you where I stand Kate. I want a divorce.” I confront him about how we are still acting married, dating even, and he is blown away that I perceived it as such. To him it’s been great but we aren’t rushing to cut eachother out. He said something like easing ourselves apart. I told him just now that I can’t do it any more. It’s hurting me. If there is no saving this marriage he should just divorce me. He said ok, I’ll text you later and hung up. I never thought I could feel this much pain. I’m 31 years old and I’m falling apart. I know it sounds cliche but he’s my soulmate. I thought God gave him to me as a miracle after a very rough early life. He is everything I wanted and never knew I needed. Why is this happening to me?

Omg, I so feel your pain. My ex divorced me after 30 years of marriage. I thought he was my soulmate. Hard to go on. We can do this.

Kate: Just have the Lawyers talk to each other - yes, it is a painful, stressful time and it takes time to get over it. Just be glad you are young still and it wasn't a long term marriage which is more complicated. Ask your child if he/she wants to spend time with him if you feel the child is old enough to make good decisions. If the child is at least school aged, I would tell them that he left you both for a new woman to see what the child thinks about it and see if your child still wants to spend time with someone like this! (You indicated that the child is yours and not biologically his). If you do not feel comfortable about this, believe me, the child will figure out for him or herself what type of a person he is in just a few short years. I personally wouldn't want someone like him hanging around the child since he seems so dismissive about the marriage. If he left you, he could leave the child someday, too, especially if his new woman doesn't want this arrangement and wants him to herself. Best wishes.