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Re: How to deal?

Hello Momof2,

Sorry to say it, but you know this person well enough to know that what you may be seeing is accurate.

If you pick up the book "20 Years Gone: A Divorce Story" on Amazon by Dorian Wright, you will see that they had to unearth alot of the same details that you are. Dorian also noticed their spouse was acting strangely with their phone, and as a result, learned quite a bit on their ex's cheating through their phone plan access. It showed them that their ex was calling and texting a number frequently. Some plans will even show the actual text data.

Hope this helps and good luck.

Re: How to deal?

So sorry for what you're going through, but agree that what you are seeing may very well prove to be correct. I saw the same behavior from my own husband of 32-years and it did turn out to be a co-worker and possibly a few other women. I found all kinds of strange calls and texts after digging into the phone bills and even some provocative photos of his co-worker in his gmail account. He made up excuses about them all, but in my heart I knew the truth. I remember being so angry and hurt at the time as I took my marriage vows very seriously and couldn't fathom how or why he would give into temptation.

We have lived apart for a year now, getting back together a few times but only to have him leave again. It's emotionally draining and I've kept my hope alive all of that time, but unfortunately he just hit me with the news that he wants a divorce. I also believe he is living with the co-worker or possibly someone else and has been for awhile.
Even in my anger and hurt my heart is broken because I still love him after all of this, cannot imagine loosing him forever and had really hoped for a better outcome...and some small part of me feels he still loves me too.

I wish I could offer better advice on how to get through this but I am still processing it all myself. One thing you do still have going for you though is that you are still living together and could possibly work on the marriage still if that is what you both want. It does take a lot of work, seeking counseling, setting new rules and priorities, but both have to willing or it cannot work. Wishing you the best no matter what the outcome may be.

Re: How to deal?

Thank you so much for sharing your story.
I’ve confronted him about my thoughts of him cheating and swears he’s not. Maybe it might not be physically but I’m sure he’s talking to someone at the least. I just feel so hopeless and that’s not me at all. I just want this all to pass.
I feel the same way you do, I love him despite all of this but I feel so stupid for feeling that way .
Ugh! It makes me angry
I hope we both find the peace and happiness we deserve at the end of all of this.

Re: How to deal?

Your very welcome! It is in sharing our stories that seems to help the most...to know we are not alone and that others have gone through this and survived. Never feel stupid for having true human emotions! Women seem to be more in touch with emotions than men and that is what makes us special!

Here is a good read that has helped me some:
https://divorcedmoms.com/4-ways-to-deal-with-divorce-when-you-still-love-him/?fbclid=IwAR2_qougvMfHspGcT4dYJo0pigo0jU4XZmM08wP7uQzTpmwZnb3jK7oW9Fw

I've found it is best to take what you need from it and leave the rest. But lots of helpful information there that I wish I had found at an earlier time.
Best wishes to you and hoping we all find the peace and happiness we deserve too!

Re: How to deal?

Wow that article really spoke to me. Thank you for that. I’m so glad I reached out for help and I’m grateful you took the time to listen. Thank again.

Re: How to deal?

Glad the article was useful to you! As said, I wished I had found it at an earlier time as I already "broke a few of the rules" which, in hindsight, made me look bad. Not to say he didn't deserve it, but I learned that I cannot control his choices, but only my own and I've learned to make better choices, to fight for what is mine and what is due to me!

More advice...again, take what you need and leave the rest.
There are divorce lawyers and also "mediation" lawyers who will work with both parties involved to find a mutual agreement. I am new to this, but at a point a "mediation" lawyer might have been a better choice. Consider your circumstances and decide. Do the research.
Also, there are divorce support groups...face to face with others who are going through the same and also for children who are affected. I am looking into several myself, and as scary as it might seem to attend, I am willing to give it a try ASAP! There are so many options/help available. Keep doing the research and reaching out to ask for help!
You/We/I all have this within us! Sending you ~Blessings and keeping you in my thoughts!

Re: How to deal?

I've been down that road. Classic signs of cheating. Divorce him. You're a **** queen and he's not a king.

Re: How to deal?

Momof2: Sorry you are going through this. I recommend getting a Family Lawyer who handles divorce. Sometimes the first visit (consultation) is free. He will probably try to stay at home until the marriage ends in an attempt to ready himself financially and to avoid/prepare to pay child support, which he can do legally if there is no domestic violence and/or if the Lawyers agree. Some people try divorce mediation, but it is not always successful. Make sure you have a child support/visitation agreement/custody agreement in place. Research the laws on these in your State on a reputable web site.