How do you know when it’s real? All my friends say to just get out. Volatile anger and possessiveness. I’m not perfect either but it’s hard to know when it’s gone too far. Has anyone else been in a similar pos? I know I haven’t shared a lot.
Emotional abuse is a sneaky, vicious thing to do to someone. IT IS NONETHELESS abuse!
I suspect there is a part of you that believes you deserve it or don't deserve any better. BUt we do, we all do!
It's a long way to health but the first step is acknowledging two things.
1. you deserve better
2.you are being abused and that is NEVER ok
I am here for you Esther. I felt the same way and continually chose men like that because I had been emotionally abused as a child and felt like that was what I deserved and it was what felt comfortable because it had been my life for so long. Is it possible this is also true for you?
It's real. It's like being on a roller coaster. There are times of calmness and peace, happiness and smiles. Then one little hiccup can set off a snowball effect of emotional turmoil. I was married for 14 years and have been separated several times until I final said enough is enough. We have not spoken for six months now and he no longer lives in the house. His game was to tell me how I should look at life per say. If it wasn't how he saw it fit, may it be being around family or friends, going to the store, parenting, intimacy, even shows to watch on TV, then there would be an argument. And not just some little 30 minute, "I'm not wrong. You're wrong," argument and the dust settles. This is hours and hours of back and forth, sometimes through the night arguments. 99% of time, the matter at hand would fade quickly within the argument and would be followed by years and years of bull*** being brought up, as if we haven't ALREADY discuss it multiple times before (whatever it may have been). Until finally I shut down, speak no more, until he feels satisfied that he "won" the argument. And that's just the tip of the iceberg with emotional abuse.
You can definitely survive this and beat it. If you need an real-world example, pick up a copy of "20 Years Gone: A Divorce Story" by Dorian Wright from Amazon or Goodreads.
There are definitely others out there who have felt your pain, and found better lives after. Don't let yourself stay the victim.
Who else thought of themselves as the last woman who would be subjected to any kind of abuse? I am strong, confident and independent and yet I let emotional abuse slowly consume and control me. It scares the crap out of me to think about and I am also lost.
My ex was very verbally and emotionally abusive, and like someone else said, it is hard to look back and think that I accepted it all those years. They can be very good at telling you it is your fault they yell at you. "If you hadn't said/done that then I wouldn't have lost my temper, etc" is what he would say. Then I felt like I was jumping through dozens of hoops every day to avoid setting him off. I went several years only talking to him when I absolutely had too because his temper and rages were so bad.
Part of you thinks that if they only understood how much they hurt you they would stop, but that is not what it is about.
If you think it has gone too far, then it has. I found counseling on my own to be very helpful. Find a good attorney who can talk to you about the specific of what a divorce would look like for you. Start putting aside your own money. I found the book: "The Verbally Abusive Relationship, How to Recognize it and How to Respond" by Patricia Evans very informative.
I have been divorce for two years now and finally feel like myself again! It is so freeing and peaceful. You deserve that for yourself!