Hello,
I am a guy so apologize if I am not supposed to post but the opportunity to hear a woman’s view is so helpful.
Married 15 yrs. really wonderful and fulfilling for both of us. Obviously you only see my interpretation but I have psychiatrists, counselors, family, and friends and a wife (sometimes)that agree. For example in August we had two great trips where my wife was very happy and talking about future adventures. One of our enjoyments is going on bike trips with our tandem bike. For those that have not ridden one it is like the best ongoing marriage rejuvenation/therapy. We do enjoy it together.
In September my wife became ill with depression and anxiety. She has seen many docs, therapists, etc and is on meds. Things became so severe that she lost her job( medical leave), was hospitalized for a month and just returned home. When she feels well she writes me love letters, is. very affectionate and expresses commitment to our marriage.
However, when in the throws of her illness she says she feels no love and wants a divorce. This cycle used to come and go every 3 days but now is 24 hrs or less. She can cry and love me in the morning and by evening want to move out. Her docs have told her and me that it is he depression and she should make no decisions for at least a year of being healthy. We have a 12 yo daughter that she also pushes away when she feels poorly. Somedays she is bedridden and has lost too much weight. When feeling better she can see her dysfunction and wants help. When she feels poorly she wants out and no help.
It is very hard for me to sleep next to a person who recoils at my touch and will look at me in the eye and say she does not love me. This has been going on for almost 4 months and I am running out of gas. There has been no fighting or arguments. So far I just tell her I love her no matter and offer help.
Do I just let her go, sleep in another room, let her move out. The “experts” tell me to concentrate myself and essentially ignore her. This is very hard for me. I am being pulled on a string like a yoyo. I believe this is illness and not a loss of love but very hard to keep telling myself that. Is our marriage over and I am the only one that does not know it?
Does anyone reading this have any experience? Maybe she does not love me anymore and I need to start grieving.
I am at a loss.
Thanks for reading
Peter

Hi Peter, I think that it is admirable for you to be taking care of your wife at such a delicate stage In Her life, when she needs you the most. I think that mental illness is something very serious and if she’s having any sort of these issues then it’s very hard for her to make any rational decisions ,so of course she loves you and her daughter.I wouldn’t take her words to heart but just make sure she’s getting the medical attention that she needs right now and hopefully she will come to love you again as she did before this sickness came her way. Very sorry to hear this but be patient and if it doesn’t work out at least you know you gave it all you had stayed loyal and showed integrity ,time has a funny way of working things out. Best wishes and God bless your family.

Hi Peter. I have no problem offering a woman's point of view to a man who is asking for sincere help. I commend you for staying in the marriage, making sure your wife is getting the help she needs and being there to ease the frustrations your daughter must be feeling. Mental illness is very hard on everyone involved and I know from experience that often what others are experiencing cannot be compared to the pain and confusion of the one suffering through the illness.
When she says she wants to move out, does she actually leave? If the answer is "no" then that is a good thing. Do you and she have family close to lend support for you both? Does she have a DR or counselor who is willing to re-check her diagnosis, possibly adjust her medications and do face to face counseling for you both and possibly even your daughter?
I apologize for all the questions but it is important that if you want to get your marriage back, that all possible avenues are utilized and used to your full advantage.
My husband {we are not yet divorced, thought he left our home and marriage vows a year ago} gave up on me when I was going through a very hard and confusing time. In hindsight, he was suffering through 'something' too...a sort of mid-life crisis and doing things not normal to our 33-yr. marriage/35-yr. relationship. I eventually fixed myself, got strong, but he wore me down with his packing a suitcase and leaving for days, ignoring my calls, coming home for awhile and then leaving again. I offered to get us counseling and to work on things together, but was told "I was the one with the problem" and eventually sought out counseling on my own.
I'm still in Love with him with all my heart, willing to do anything to regain the happiness and love we shared for many years, but he is content with his new life and those who are in it...so I must let him go, continue to work on me and fight for many things...mainly my life and sanity.
That is only part of my story, but what I am saying to you as a man is not to give up so easily! To do what is right for you and yours until all efforts have been exhausted. Things may seem messed up now, but with love, honesty and a willingness to try, they can change. I've seen it happen so I know it's possible.
In kindness, wishing you the best! I am, as many others are hear to listen.