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Why does he get to live like he is single?

My soon to be ex has been living like he is single since he told me he wanted a divorce. He comes and goes as he pleases in all hours of the night. We share a 3 year old. I have known this man for 7 years and never has he acted like this. I’m left alone to take care of the house, our child and pets while he is off doing who knows what till whatever time in the morning. We have been married almost 5 years and he is worse then a stranger. How do you get past it? How do you move on?

Re: Why does he get to live like he is single?

Not sure if you want to her from a man but it sounds like he has left already and boundaries regarding behavior and responsibility need to be set. The divorce process can be hard or easy depending on the actions of the people involved. In his own self interest he would be wise to make you not angry especially with a child involved.
On another note a strategy that has worked occasionally with my stbxw is focusing on the process. From what I read and am told by counselors a year or more of dedicated work on saving the marriage is fairly standard. If after a year there is no solution then you divorce knowing you tried your best. The process of having to go meet with a counselor weekly is often enough to corral distructive behavior. If he won’t even do that then he is in for a painful divorce process that will hurt him as much or more than you depending on how much and easily he wants to see his child. No one wins in divorce just levels of pain for all. His behavior throughout the process determines how much pain he experiences. Maybe his lawyer can help him see the light. Not sure why there is that emoji at the bottom.

Re: Why does he get to live like he is single?

Thank you for your reply. Our temporary court hearing is in a 2 days. I filed for Divorce because when I left a note asking if it’s what he really wanted he responded by not being home, and refusing all contact with me. I would talk and he would either ignore me or leave the house. It was clear to me he had no desire to even try to work on whatever he was upset over. A marriage takes two people and he clearly doesn’t want to be a husband or a father. I’m sad for our daughter who will feel the brunt of the pain from this. He does not have an attorney that I am aware of, but I do. My attorney advised me to stay in the home until the final divorce decree, so that’s where we will be. It will be an uncomfortable next 3 months. I try to encourage our daughter to have some relationship with her father regardless, but he still isn’t around. I will never understand how he can be so selfish when he has a child.

Re: Why does he get to live like he is single?

I am so sorry for what you are going through and especially for your daughter. I think "Peter" gave excellent advice and your attorney advising you to stay in the home is spot on as you will probably not only get the home, but child support and other things he will be responsible for after the divorce. (Health insurance, hidden assets, etc.)

Wishing you peace and especially at this time of year during the holidays. Even if he is being selfish, you can still make it a joyous time for your daughter and you.

Re: Why does he get to live like he is single?

Very sorry to hear your situation. As is identified in the book "20 Years Gone: A Divorce Story" by Dorian Wright, it would be in your best interest to make a daily log of all that is happening. Specifically document how often you are left with your children and what is occurring, on a daily basis. These details will help mold your divorce outcome and any custody concerns.

Re: Why does he get to live like he is single?

'Cause he can.