What would you do if you’ve been married to a man for almost 21 years and all this time he has cheated on you and physically and emotionally abused you. I have four kids and they are now 18,17,16 and 7 years old they’ve been witness to the physical abuse and this time they said it’s time to leave him they don’t want me to stay any longer. I understand that part I get it .whats hrs for me is he has money and i don’t and if i leave I get nothing , nothing so I basically feel like im losing even more aside from my dignity respect etc because I’m leaving with absolutely nothing I feel like a total failure. I would have to work minimum wage since I didn’t go to school for a career I married very young (16) and I cant possibly afford to pay for my oldest daughters college she’s studying medicine. I’m so angry ,sad and just in disbelief that I’ve put up with this abuse all these years and always said as long as my kids study and get out it’s ok and so they wouldn’t need for anything in life because I was extremely poor as a child i think that’s my hangup.I wanted something different for them and this is how I reasoned it I know it’s ridiculous but that’s all I could think of just sticking it out someday they’d get bigger and wouldn’t need their father and maybe by then he’s change. Again I know how stupid that sounds but I’m soo angry because he has a business makes great money and I have to work minimum wage if I leave to try and support my kids that’s where I’m frustrated what can I do what ???? He’s told me before if I leave him he won’t help me with my children ,what would you do ??? Thank you any advice is appreciated
I was married for 21 years to a man who occasionally was verbally abusive, who drank at the end of the marriage and who was hardly ever home. Our daughter was 18 at the time he left. In a long term marriage a lot is at stake such as child support, alimony, earning power/employability of the spouse and the house. Research the divorce laws in your State on this site and on a Govt. site if there is one. I was just working very part time and I got alimony until my dad passed and left enough money for me to pay my bills forever. See a Lawyer. Sometimes the first consultation is free but remember every e-mail, phone call, court time and face-to-face meeting they charge you for. Also, speak with someone on the Domestic Violence Hotline which is a free call when he's not around. Many women receive training to take care of/do errands for/the elderly or to work in medical offices. Sometimes agencies train people for free. The pay is more than minimum wage. Older women are quite capeable of doing this and there is a huge need for it.
Best wishes.