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Re: My affair

Similar to my story but not exact. I was married 28 years, only 1 son. I also had an affair with an old boyfriend. Long story short, he made me feel good about myself.... I felt loved and desired. I feel horrible about how this all happened. 28 years are gone, done and divorced within 5 months of the affair starting. 4 years have gone by, the ex and I still run a business together but it’s not cordial. It’s been pure hell.
If you are absolutely certain your marriage is over, and you have no feelings for your ex, then move forward and get your divorce. However, Divorce is not easy. It will rip you apart mentally. It will effect your children (adult or child). I was blind to what could happen. My ex has turned my son against me. Divorce brings out the person you never knew existed in your ex. Brace yourself and good
Luck.

Re: My affair

Thank you for your reply. Having spent 34 years with him and see no change in happiness etc... I don’t see it happening. He has let the house fall apart as well. I have been gone for a year there is no change. Trash all over the bedroom floor roof leak for years getting worse mold etc.. much more. It is hard on all of us so do I go back to make everyone else happy? He has so many issues I can’t fix him. So do I fix myself and try to have a happier life? I am still with my boyfriend who loves me is happy and positive and so much more. This is the meanest and hardest thing I’ve ever dealt with in my life.

Re: My affair

I don’t want to convince anyone to live an unhappy life. You have to take care of you. I just want to encourage you to make absolute certain there is no more love in you for this marriage. My ex and I gave up way to quick I think. I was never unfaithful to him until this time. I’m not sure if my actions were hormonal or what but I went through a phase where I felt just crazy in my head. I couldn’t understand why I was feeling the way I was. I still don’t understand it. All I know is, I felt good when I was with my boyfriend and I didn’t want let go of that. I also felt as though maybe I didn’t love my husband like I thought I did. I mean, how could I let myself have an affair if I truly loved my husband?
The story goes on ... a lot of pain, bitterness and hatred. It breaks my heart that I once loved someone so dearly and now we can’t even be in the same room. He has nothing nice to say to me. He’s turned our son against me and now I think he’s talking bad about me throughout the business we run together.
These things I wouldn’t wish in anyone. So if you are sure you have no more love and are ready to endure the heart aches, because separated is one thing but once the final divorce papers are delivered to you, it becomes a whole new ball game and Any mental anguish you are experiencing now will increase, then move forward with building your new life.
I’m not a professional in this field but will be here for you if you need to chat.
P.S always love yourself. It’s not all your fault.

Re: My affair

Hi Lisa, Thank you again for your reply. This is the worst thing I’ve ever done to someone and it is so painful. I hope you are well! I struggle everyday with so many emotions! Sometimes it’s just too much😪

Re: My affair

Girl, I still struggle every day. I’m going to make a suggestion, I know you won’t like it because I wouldn’t hear if it myself but wish I would’ve listened before things got to deep.
Spend some time alone. If you live with the new boyfriend, change that. You need time to find who you are and what you want. I can feel your emotional distress. I’m pretty sure I have felt your pain. Give yourself a chance find out where your heart really is before you take that final step.
I tell you this because my boyfriend and I moved right in together very soon after separated from the ex (divorce was filed but not final) I was so wrapped up in being treated like a queen and frolicking around like a young teen in love that I didn’t have time to focus on what was really going on. I didn’t give my marriage a chance, if there was one.
On a good note, my boyfriend still treats me like a queen (newness has wore off so the “frolicking” Like a teen is more like kiss kiss good night), he loves and adores me and has been very good to support me but not over step boundaries with the ex.
What ever decision you make, make it yours and own it!
Be happy about it and don’t let anyone beat you down for it.

Re: My affair

Hi Lisa, I live in Boston and my boyfriend lives in Florida. We have been going back and forth at first once a month then every 2 to 3 weeks. I spend a lot of time alone. I understand what you are saying. I cry almost everyday. I was locked out of my house so my husband lives there with 3 of my kids and my animals. The kids are 27, 23 and 18. I miss any interactions that I could have with my kids and always have that pain and guilt of what I have done. My 27 yr old said don’t come home for us we are fine. I feel like an outsider and it hurts deeply. I started counseling and joined a woman’s group. My boyfriend is very kind and caring I tell him how I feel about everything. He wants me happy no matter what I choose. I know with him I would have a very happy life. I know at home it will be difficult stressful and probably worse than before. I see no change in my husband not that he should be doing anything for me. I went by the house a couple of weeks ago in our bedroom trash all over the floor etc... he just doesn’t care about things! No self respect and just no respect. I love him but I just don’t know how to let go because I know he won’t change I’ve waited 34 years. Some things changed but there are so many issues! Aghhhhhhh! I am driving myself insane! Thank you again I appreciate you taking time to talk to me😀