Hi Heather
I am going through the same situation, married for 10 years, no kids, built a new house 2 years ago, and my husband wants divorce and I also found out he is in another relationship.
Last couple months been so hard for me, I love my life my house and I don't want divorce. Everyone telling me you are lucky you don't have kids and your are very young. I'm 32.
I just gonna tell you I know what you are going through it's tough and unfair.
Take care

Sorry to hear both of you are going through some crappy situations. People saying you’re lucky that you don’t have kids with them doesn’t understand. Because around the 30 age bracket people already want to have their kids let alone starting over. Luckily I have only been with my husband six years and we’ve only been married for two of them but when I found out he was seeing someone else I was devastated how can you walk down the aisle make those vows and then go behind the person you were supposed to love and see someone else.

I'm 31 here, also no kids, and last July I found out my ex-husband was cheating on me. Really just couldn't tell when he was lying or telling the truth anymore. And I just thought, I don't want to live like that anymore, when I can't trust him. It was probably the hardest decision I have ever made in my life, but I'm glad I did it. We were married for 6 years, together for 11.

It's been nine months and let me tell you some days are really really hard and some days are really really amazing. I have that sadness and realization that I may never have kids either.

I did start seeing someone new, and I really like him - however, he isn't at the point where I am as far as how serious I want to be, and it's upsetting, especially being alone in this quarantine.

One thing I have realized is that divorce changes you into a different person. It is kind of crazy how different my personality is now than when it was in the beginning. Certain things I used to enjoy (that had nothing to do with my ex) I don't find enjoyable anymore, and certain things I used to be "meh" about - I find I enjoy more. It is a really weird thing to have to deal with... I never thought that I would change in this way. I find myself questioning my identity sometimes.

Sending love and hugs.

Hi
Just posted about my situation a couple of lines down. I'm so sorry to hear about what you all are going through. Just writing to say I'm in the same boat and you don't have it that bad. You're all young enough to start over. I'm 39, with no kids because my husband always wanted them later and I was waiting for him to become more mature, which he didn't.
On top of everything I keep thinking I may never be able to have kids. Not only am I still extremely hung up on him, I don't see it in the forseeable future for myself to move on, let alone meet someone, get serious and have kids. Not to mention I live in a community where a forty year old divorced woman is seen only as a desperate one night stand kind of deal and never considered for anything serious except by really old guys with adult children. If he does leave me and go through with this, my chances to have kids will be close to zero.
Feel better?

Hi! I just wanted to chime in and let you know you’re not alone. I’ll be 30 this year and separated (now officially divorced) from my husband just over a year ago. We had just purchased our new “forever” home and kids was our next exciting step. But it wasn’t. Divorce was. My whole plan is out of whack and all of my friends are expecting around me...it’s hard to not get upset that I’m no longer at that stage and starting over. I cry about it, a lot. Therapy has helped me tremendously! BUT I just take it one day at a time and know that I’m exactly where I’m meant to be...and you are too!

I separated 5 years ago after together for 12.5 years. I was 30 at the time. 35 now and still without children. My biggest piece of advice is FREEZE YOUR EGGS NOW. It was constantly on my mind for years but I always put it off because it’s very expensive. I regret that the most. There are always ways to find money. A lot of insurances cover it, or parts of it now. And there are tons of organizations that will give grants or interest free loans. Try go fund me. Just make it happen!! At the time I was so concerned about making ends meet and surviving financially on my own. No doubt times were seriously dire for basic needs. But I should have considered this a need as well. For me, children are a need. I am thinking about adoption, but that shouldn’t have to be the only option. It’s not for everyone.

Good luck hunny. I am with you. I went searching the web for forums for precisely this issue for myself. I am both saddened as well as comforted that I am not alone in my grief.

It feels how I imagine infertility feels like. I lost all those years of fertility. I lost my future vision. I lost potential. I feel like I am losing the role and identity I had in my mind as a woman. I thought at 35 I would have a few kids by now.

At least you aren't 43 like me. I'm dealing with the same. Actually planning to sell our home prior to his divorce announcement. No cheating, I broke the trust by infringing on his privacy. He has proposed an uncontested divorce to save money and for me to "tell him what I want". I want our old marriage back and not to have to go through all of this is what I want. So I have no advice, but I feel for you and you have age in your favor. 30 is so young.

Hey Heather, I am in a very similar situation, though I'm 28. We just celebrated our 6 year anniversary (together for 8 years) last fall, and 2 weeks after that he dropped the proverbial "bomb" and everything went downhill from there. He moved out in December and we were divorced by March. We met in college and got married before I started grad school. He felt he was just wasting money on a degree he didn't actually like, so he started working full time to support us while I finished school. By the time I graduated, he had decided what he wanted to go back for, so we switched roles. We knew it would not be the most wise decision to have a baby while one of us was still in school, so we waited. I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mom and was in the depths of baby fever (literally been talking and planning with him for months to hopefully have a baby this year) when this all went down. I feel my ultimate calling in life is to be a mom, and now after being divorced, I am being forced to start way back at square one. It really bothers me too when I get the responses of "at least there were no kids to consider in the divorce" or "you are still so young, you have plenty of time." I know people are just trying to "show me a bright side" in the middle of all this, but those types of comments are not helpful and make me feel like my pain and anguish are not as valid as any other woman having her entire life upended by unexpected divorce. I think at the beginning, I mourned more for the prospect of never having children than I did for the state of my marriage. The one thought I like to hold onto, which you might also find encouraging, is that I can still choose to be a mom on my own through adoption (which has always been near and dear to my heart). I cannot predict or control when the right man will come into my life again that I can build a family with. But I can still choose to be a mother to a child who is in need of a family. Stay strong! I'm so glad to finally find others who can relate better to my situation too.