I'm so very sorry to hear about your pain. It is very painful when someone you once loved moves on so quickly and begins to date others right in front of you. It's within their right to do whatever they want with their life, but I just think it's very cruel to bring one's gf or bf when picking up the children. It hurts, I understand - I lived through it with my ex who used to bring along her bf when picking up the kids - with the bf driving. I think that they do it intentionally to rub salt into a wound. He's deliberately trying to hurt you even more. Please don't fall for it. Be the adult, take care of you - start a new hobby and meet new friends that way. Don't worry about him and his new gf. Focus on you and your kids. Remember, kids aren't stupid. They know who their mom is, and they know you love them dearly.

BeenThere,

Thank you for the response. It really does hurt so much. He told me he has done everything for us the last (almost) 20 years and it was time to “be selfish”. I understand that giving your all for so many years is difficult. But to jump into another relationship and have our children involved just tears me apart. I will be 40 this year and am in my 2nd and final year of nursing school. I went through schooling after being a stay at home mom for years just so I can have a career and give back to him for giving us so much all these years. I haven’t tried a new hobby due to school being so rigorous but perhaps that is something I should do. Thank you for your response. If you don’t mind sharing, how did you get through it? How long did it take?

Going to school is a great way to reposition yourself for the next chapter of your life. I'm glad you are doing that. It's a very wise investment. I agree with you, when someone jumps ship and starts dating others like you never existed, it really stings. It hurts so bad. I was a 'zombie' for so many years - the pain just numbed me. I focused on the kids and improving myself - I invested my time in education as well. Over time, the pain starts to subside. What I found helpful was to find new hobbies, or just make new friends - and have fun. It's not easy, but just try - push yourself. I joined a running group, and I started working out more often at the gym - getting tired from working out is a great way to relieve stress and pain. Looking back, I marvel at how I survived the pain and the chaos she threw at me. But survive I did. If I could do it, anyone else can do it. I was hurt so bad, and she hit me when I was at the most vulnerable. But when I looked at my kids' eyes and faces, I knew I had to fight and get through it.

Thank you so much for your response and I hope I didn’t pry. I’m very proud of you for pushing forward and surviving. I know how extremely hurtful and difficult it is. With so many places closed during the pandemic I’ll have to find creative ways to make new friends. I’m not going to lie, I have thought about just giving up and quitting school as I had such a hard time just getting up in the morning. But you’re right-looking at your children’s faces is the reason to keep going. Thank you for your positivity and response. It has definitely helped.

I'm very glad that you found my comments helpful. Divorce is personal, hard, and deeply hurtful, especially if one is blindsided by it. It's a traumatic experience. It changes your entire outlook of the world and human-to-human relationships. The good news is that it is survivable. I'm sure you will survive too. Just focus on yourself, love yourself, pamper yourself, improve yourself, and keep on moving into the future. It takes time to regain one's composure after something as traumatic as divorce. Take your time, and allow yourself to grieve and be mad. It's all part of the healing process. It took me over a decade to fully recover.