Hello All. I divorced in 2007, my daughter was 4. I had primary custody of her until 2018. Her father didnt exercise most of his visits and generally was pretty disinterested, would ignore invitations or not show for months or years, though she maintained a very close relationship to his parents and I brought her to them states away every summer for long visits. At 15, she went on a visit to her fathers in GEorgia and never returned. I was told she decided to move in with the dad in Atlanta, I am in NY. HE is remarried and had baby 3 on the way when this happened. Her and I lived in SC up until 6 years ago. He was not interested in her much at all even when we were close.
His parents live in the northeast - it was nice for her to be closer to them again. She was in one of the best schools in the country here in NY, high honor roll- wants to go to medical school. This move upended a lot though she still plans on medical school someday.
It was nothing short a nightmare for me after living with my daughter for so long and being so seemingly close. I went to Georgia and had the opportunity to make my ex come to NY and battle this out. Instead I made a legal agreement to let her " try this out" as she was hysterically telling me he now wanted to be a father. She could try it for 6 months and if she stayed - I would have open access to her. Nearly the whole summer, breaks, most holidays you name it. None of that has happened at all.
Since she has gone there- she has been told she is an adult in regard to me and doesnt really have to visit, shouldnt feel guilty or it. She bonded quickly to them and seems to have left me out.

Now I have not seen her since Thanksgiving. I asked at Christmas to get her, my ex said it wasnt my year but he had me split the christmas the year before regardless of my new agreement giving me the holiday. Spring break he said, oh shes busy sorry cant make her change her schedule. Anyway, in the past I just let him get her whenever he wanted because he never followed our Goergia plan and once we were longer distance I just caved to whatever he needed.Oh I flew her to him I drove her, I met his parents up the coast you name it. Now that she is there- nothing. He isnt even following the agreement it doesnt have the same kind of plan we had when she was young. Still, it has her flying home for summers and gives me holidays and breaks, open access whenever I want- what a joke. I did last year drive down to see her and she did come home last summer.

Flash forward to this nonsense going on now. Now we have covid to mix in and my daughter has been really distant. I call and ask her what fun quarantine things well do this summer. We cook together and I had so many plans. I live in the hudson valley a pretty area for hiking, obviously the city is off limits but theres a lot we can do. In atlanta she has been largely at home.
I offer to drive down there pick her up, and bring her back- our agreement says my ex has to pay to fly her to me but with covid I say Ill get her. She tells me she doesnt have much fun here anyway and has to ask her "parents" because her younger brother could get sick. I was pretty hurt-- raise her from a baby until 15, and Im not in the parent category! But either way I tell her - really she needs to see her mom and wed be staying home as much as she is there. Nothing. She says the usual she is an adult, just finished 11th grade and the visitation plan was a joke she said she doenst have to follow it and no one will make her dad because he is a lawyer and she is older.


Shes going into her senior year. I miss my daughter. This is not the agreement I made. I feel so powerless and I dont even know how to confront my ex on this.. Its been nothing but a snarky battle of how he cant make her do anything on and on and ow he allegedly encourages visitation but he has no real say as she is not a baby. She is not an adult she has very strict rules there-- why is she not being made to see me? And how do I handle this? Since shes been there, shell lose her phone to him for discipline and I have to text him and on and on drama which we didnt have before- weeks will pass and hell forget to have her contact me. In the reverse for a decade I never battled any visit if anything I begged him to see her and call her more when I did contact him. We had little drama I guess I just did what he wanted-- now in reverse I feel Ive lost my daughter entirely. She is being manipulated-- she is not an adult in his home- but it is a good manipulation for sure.

I do have a legal agreement, I thought I had rights. Ive asked around some say her older age is an issue. But there is a court order? I want to get her for her visit. Ive waited patiently with this covid stuff in addition its now almost July. Things are as good as theyll get. Any advice. I would like to email him again about a summer visit. We havent spoken since spring on it. But even before covid, it was the same old-- he wasnt sure of her schedule she is social he told me not a kid anymore he doesnt have to make her visit.

Advice? What do I say to him ? How can I enforce the Georgia agreement we made? Can I given shell be a senior? I have a hard time standing up to this guy so any advice on how to be less emotional and get her home would be so helpful. Thanks guys.